There's Beauty In The Breakdown
by Jemmasgiirl
Summary: It's season 5; Jay/Em happened, but no STD, Sean didn't move away. Jay is Sean's best friend, Emma is Sean's greatest ex, so when he dies tragically, the two are thrown back together again, trying to help another deal but being careful not to get close again. Ones stubborn and ones afraid. When they get ONE more chance at love, will they fight for it or run from it again..
1. The System Of Order

A year. It's been a year since the shooting. Emma had had some problems yes but she was making it through, I mean, the Jay thing was defiantly a bump in the road but she cleared that up when she told him he was bad for her during the Dracula play. I mean, clearly the guy didn't **really **want her.

One: It was JAY HOGART.

Two: He never dumped Alex for her

Three: she was clearly just his new toy

So, a year since **that **happened too, and they were back to taunting enemies, only Jay teased her with more sexual harassment now, and she played with fire by hitting him where it hurts, Alex had turned lesbian, which was just HILARIOUS.

Things were now all back to normal, it was going to be Emma's last year, a senior! Things were so back to normal that even _after _Sean had jumped infront of Emma to save her from Rick, even **they** have went back to being enemies again too. I mean, he's not as harsh as Jay but his looks could kill, but so could her witty out smarting words.

So, Jay was single, but as _always, _still sleeping around.. Sean was still with Ellie, and Emma, well lately, she has really been into the independent thing, I mean..when wasn't she? I mean there was the new guy Peter, she knew he was cute but she couldn't find the spark, the passion.. what those romantic movies went on about you know?

Maybe it didn't exist.

"It's our last year Em! We need to do something great, something different!" Manny groaned, leaning her body a bit roughly, boredly, onto her locker beside the blonde. She had cut her bangs across, and her long brown hair was even longer, still pretty little Manny.

Emma went through her books and smirked, "Like?" she sighed, putting her new books into the locker. Oh Degrassi, how she did not miss you.

Manny looked like she was in thought, chewing on her cheek, nasty little habit. Emma blinked and glanced at her to see Manny's eyes watch something trail down the hall and she glanced to roll her own eyes.

Craig Mannings.

He had already graduated, but he was here to see Jimmy. Guess Jimmy got pulled back from the days he missed for getting **shot**. Sometimes, life was a big pain in the fucking ass and not fair.

Emma closed her locker and taunted Manny, "I got an idea, how about something like NOT going for Craig Mannings this year?" she giggled at her own joke.

Emma then bit her tounge watching what entered the school from behind Manny, the 'crew' came in, walking in like they owned it. Even though Alex wasn't _with _Jay, she still walked beside him like they were King and Queen. That's right! Jay Hogart decided since Spinner got back into Degrassi, why not him? Well, for starters, he was probably going to fail again and skip..so what was the point?

On the other side of Jay, Sean and Towers. Emma watched with Manny as Sean passed, his head phones blaring, he cornered his eyes at them before walking off.

"Talking about ex's." Manny drifts nodding towards Sean, "That's an improvement! He didn't punch a locker, snap at us, or glare!" Manny said happily giving Emma a sarcastic look.

Emma shook her head, Sean would never change.

The bell rang and Emma grabbed her binder, "He has no Ellie this year, wonder when he'll explode." Joked Emma about her exs new 'stable' girl friend who was off to college now.

Miss Ellie Nash.

"I still swear she hada _thing_ for Craig last year, during Spinners band replacement. I wonder if Sean knew what his little girl friend was up to and who he could of had." Manny insisted, knowing Emma would always make a far better girl friend than anyone else.

"I'm over that." Emma rolled her eyes, "And I think it was just a crush, I'm sure she loves Sean." She couldn't help but let out a giggle with Manny, "Anger management, can't graduate, thieving Sean."

The two girls were laughing uncontrollably as the sat near the front of the class. When Emma sat the 'crew' was walking into her very own classroom.

Emma grumbled next to Manny, "They **have **to be in here?"

"Don't they have a personal class for last years failures?" joked Manny more loudly as a figure behind them popped up in the middle of them when they leaned forward.

Spinner.

"Unfortunately no." He joked, being one of those 'failures'. He waved to the gang, "Guys! Over here."

Jay led his friends, as usual, it was as if he had leader potential, Emma could swear she'd put a pen and pencil infront of him and he probably couldn't figure out the difference. Emma rolled her eyes, maybe she was being too cruel.

"_Why _would we want to seat over here?" the one and only taunts, smoldering his eyes down at Emma.

He looked the same, though lost those stupid baggy jeans and chain necklace, more ...manly, though Emma didn't like chosing such a grown up word for such an immature person.

"In the front?" Jay goes on and glances at Spinner before back at Emma, "Near..that."

Emma sent her own firey glare. She wasn't stupid, nor vain, but she knew she made some boys drool since last year when she finally hit the last stage of development, and now, since summer and getting her tan on, she was even more of a fox. Guys could never know how such a nerd got such a hot body and gorgeous features. Blessed!

Emma snapped back at Jay, "Says the biohazard standing infront of me that no one wants to touch." Beside her, Manny smirked, some people around the desk also glanced over and giggled a bit until Jay sent his warning death glare and laid his site back onto Emma, softer now, then smirked himself.

Oh the devilish smirk.

He seemed to take the biohazard comment into thought, and he loudly declared, "Funny since you went down on me in the dirtiest place-"

"Oh my god!" Emma yelled as soon as the teacher started clapping, and pointing at them.

"Hey, hey hey!" yelled Mrs Kwan, not liking the dirty talk.

Emma's mouth was hanging, some students mouths were like hers, or in the shape of oh's and slightly laughing.

Jay happily took his seat behind Emma who continued to scowl at him until turning back to the teacher.

"Lets focus on some real mature hard work!" Mrs Kwan insisted, warning Emma and Jay to shut up.

Alex sat behind Jay as Sean took his seat next to him, Alex couldn't help but admit out loud to Jay, "I know you cheated on me with Cause girl, and I should be mad, but it's just so funny." She kept chuckling.

Even Sean rolled his eyes as the teacher rubbed between her eyes. Highschool was too much!

Out of nowhere, a shadow stepped infront of Alex, and spoke, "Funny because he finally realised butch girls aren't attractive? Or funny because you were too stupid to figure it out?"

Alex glared up and stood as well, trying to look threatening to the new guy, Peter.

Emma slyly smiled, looking over her shoulder, but then gave a hopeless look. There was no point. This gang was like the energy bunny, just kept going and going.

Manny smirked, nudging Emma, clearly liking the fact the cute guy was sticking up for Emma.

"Alright Hero, this is nothing new, back off." Sean insisted, trying to calm the scene down and grabbed Alex's arm, sitting her down.

Peter just snickered and walked to the back, taking his seat as some cheerleaders giggled and eyed him, whispering things.

"She's a bitch." Snapped Alex, still not over the fight with Emma earlier that day. The gang sat behind the dot eating their lunch, smoking and just hanging out.

"She's Greenpeace." Shrugged Jay like it was nothing new. Pretty expecting, and fun.. like it always was for him.

Sean scoffed, "Doesn't it get old?" he taunts them and they both blinked, wondering and then Jay shook his head no.

Teasing Emma Nelson? No way. Priceless.

"Who cares." Spinner spoke up and slapped Jay's arm, "Man, I think I'm going to have a party tonight."

"When don't you have a party Spin?" Sean taunted when Alex finished her smoke and waved, leaving.

Spinner then laughed, "Well remember that time I stopped for a while when you and me got pot that got sprinkled with acid?" Jay and Sean joined in on the laugh, remembering the memory..

_FLASHBACK._

"_I don't..like mirrors." Sean confirmed, standing in Spinner's bathroom, it was a bit beat up, but he was also a welfare kid._

_What'd ya expect?_

_The music from the party blasted through the closed door as they shared a joint, Jay then rushed in holding his beer and shut the door before smoke got out and put his hand out, wanting some of it._

_Spinner was sitting on the toilet smoking it, and got too distracted, and held onto the joint, "I'm with yeah man." He said to Sean who stayed staring at himself infront of the mirror, "So judgemental." _

_Jay raised an eyebrow amused looking between the two, Sean looked ready to blow, face going red, like it usually did before he and Sean would get into a fight with some random asshole._

"_Just wanna..wanna kill the guy looking back at me." Sean said through clenched teeth, eyes blood shot._

_Spinner finally passed Jay the joint, but Jay eyed it.. knowing it must have something off inside it. These two were being hilarious but way too out of it!_

"_Don't be like that.. you're a very beautiful man!" Spinner insisted to Sean_

_Spinner started giggling like no tomorrow and Jay snorted, putting the joint out and putting it into his pocket. Hey, he was down to party, he loved booze weed and maybe some E! But not whatever they took, not tonight at least. He downed the rest of his beer._

_**SMASHHHH**_

"_WOW!" yelled Jay, jumped back as Spinner stood up too and stared, Sean smashed his fist into the mirror that crashed and his hand was bleeding all over, a piece still stabbed into his hand. He just stared at it._

_Until he fainted._

_Amy and Alex ran in, hearing the commotion and some other partiers were trying to look in._

"_Is he going to be okay?" Spinners eyes were blood shot too, and he actually started to cry, tears pouring down as Jay bent to Sean and put an arm around his shoulder._

"_He's fine." Insisted Jay, picking Sean up. Sean wouldn't help at all, just groan, so Jay actually did a honeymoon move and lifted Sean up completely and carried him out._

"_You're my best friend, right?" Sean grumbled to Jay who just wanted to punch him out silly but laugh._

_Time for the hospital._

"_Likes Brothers yo!" Spinner yelled behind them. _

_THE HOSPITAL._

"_We're going to have to give you a needle. You lost a bit of blood." The doctor said, turning to the nurse who gave a nod and got everything ready._

_Jay stood behind them and watched Sean who sat on the table, narrowing his eyes at the needle the nurse held._

_Wow. It was big. And sharp, too sharp._

"_No." Sean said, and pointed, "Don't you dare."_

_Jay leaned on the wall and watched the scene with a smirk. When they partied, they partied hard, you can assure that._

"_I have to." The nurse told Sean and the Doctor nodded._

"_We do have to."_

"_Yeah, and I have to punch you in the face if you do it." Sean informed the doctor who blinked and stared at him before looking back at Jay._

_Jay shrugged and joked about Sean, "Anger problems."_

"_I See.." drifts the Doctor opening the door and nodding at some security._

"_No! Don't!" Sean yelled as they held him down to get the needle, even Jay cringed but he knew he'd make it._

_God, such a wimp for a 'bad ass'. _

END OF FLASHBACK

Jay tried to stop laughing, remembering the memory like no tomorrow.

"Shut up!" snapped Sean, trying not to grin and shook his head, "assholes."

"remember how much you begged me not to tell vampire freak?" laughed Jay and Spinner nodded.

"She doesn't like who I am, the rebel side at least." Sean informed.

"You ain't no rebel, you fell in love, that's 'order'. Go to school, fall inlove, get a job, get married, have kids, die." Jay said ever so sarcastically and bitterly, he hated that cliché shit with a passion.

"Everyone falls in love Jay." Sean insisted.

Jay shook his head no, "I'm living prove not everybody does Cam. I will **never **follow the system of our country."

"You never do." Comments Spinner with another bellowed laugh, lighting up a joint.

"He's just such bad influence." Emma said to Manny, watching Jay with Sean, Spinner lighting up a joint near SCHOOL property.

Manny shrugged, "people make their own choices Em."

"Why them though? Why does he think Jay Hogart is really his friend? Jay would probably sell him out if they were to go to jail together for something."

"I don't know, they got a load in common." Manny smirked, "Both juveniles." She confirmed.

Emma laughed but then just shook her head until the bell rang, she was going to get up and grab her books from her bench table until a pair of feet jumped on and on it.

"Spinner!" Emma hissed.

"PARTY TONIGHT AT MY HOUSE!" Spinner yelled to everyone.

Everyone cheered.

Manny happily grinned to Emma who could only think, Uh oh.

She couldn't help but glance back over to Jay and Sean, Jay was lighting up a smoke and Sean was being his loner looking self, mysteriously looking around until they caught eyes, and they both looked away shaking their heads.

"Lets skip the rest of the day." Jay told Sean, hitting his chest lazily and guiding him over to his orange civic, "We'll get drunk early."

Sean laughed and followed.

Sean could understand why no one would think Jay was a good friend, he lied, cheated, was bad. But, he really was a good friend, he was there when you needed someone to talk to, he didn't necessarily talk, really just told him to shut up and get over it.. but he was there! And when some asshole is trying to pick a fight with Sean, Jay's always happy to jump in and help, just like Sean would do for him. And there is no one, on this planet, that parties as hard as Jay and Sean both do.

The guy was fun, and Sean knew, he would be partying with Jay til the end.

"You wanna meet at the party tonight Em?" Peter Stone had actually just come up to Emma and Manny who were about to go back into school.

Manny smirked waving to Emma and leaving her with the boy with no choice.

Emma couldn't help but blush and smiled, "Sure, fine."

He smiled back.


	2. And You Could Have It All

"Baby I'm tired." Ellie told Sean, leaning on his arm as he smirked down at her.

"already?" he teased, rolling his eyes.

Jay did the same thing, opening his new can of beer open, "Party just started." He taunted. God, he'd never get a girl friend before, Alex just seemed to be okay cause she left him the hell alone and let him do his thing.

And he wasn't inlove.

Nor her puppy.

Love made Jay sick.

From the front door of Spinners house, many people started to enter, Spinner happily put on his stereo, blasting music as people cheered and began to party.

"You can come home with me.." drifts Ellie like a purr in Sean's ear.

From the front door, Manny and Darcy entered, Emma followed behind. The girls were dressed, well, promiscousily, even Bible Darcy.. which Jay called her a lot. Emma found herself just wearing simple light blue jeans though and a white and beige stripped tank top, her long blonde hair flowing naturally with just mascara on.

And already being hit on..

"You wanna dance?" a random yelled over the music to her.

Emma smiled sadly, "No thanks!" she yelled back and followed the girls around the party. She didn't know Darcy much, but I guess Manny had been hanging around the girl a lot lately.

"Great.. look whose here." Manny said, annoyed, as Emma stopped beside her and looked.

Craig. He seemed to be looking for someone.

"We're in Spinner's house." Joked Emma to Manny, "Be ready for tons of disappointments."

"Ouch." Laughed Darcy, and they took off into the party.

"I gotta hell of a headache." Muttered Sean, back with his friends and with Ellie still, who was just packing up her bag and coat to leave.

Emma and her friends had just entered to grab some cups.

"Well if you wana come home, text me." Ellie confirms to Sean, but eyes not on him. They looked around the party frantically, what? Was she worried about him partying?

As if! He did this alllll the time. He'd be fine!

"I've been taking aspirin all day." Sean told her while sipping his beer while Emma and the girls passed, the had to go through the middle of them to get there, it was getting crowded.

"Aspirin and booze mixing. How smart." Taunted Emma and then added, "That causes death you know."

"Oh god, so does endless ranting GP." Jay spoke back up, noticing her there and turning back to the conversation.

The girl he _was_ flirting with, frowned when he turned from her and left.

"Here, take some coke." Alex told Sean, thinking it helped headaches. Ellie gave her an insane look as did the other girls, Emma's looked horrified, Jay had to chuckle.

And no, he didn't do it either, it was just funny watching Nelsons face.

"No man, I hate that shit." Sean snapped at Alex and kissed Ellie's cheek when she buttoned her coat up and waved.

"don't you ever get sick of starting fights?" Emma taunted Jay, still hung up on him basically calling her annoying.

"I live off pain." Jay informs, gulping the rest of his beer and turned to Sean, "Tell her I live off pain Cam." Clearly he was getting drunk.

Sean snickered amused but nodded and told Emma with a drug, "He gets off on pain."

"Or pretty little blonde girls who-"

"It's getting old." Emma said, cutting Jay off who went to say girls like her got him 'off.' God he'd be SUCH a good guy if he had manners. He really would.

Jay smirked watching Emma go and caught Sean's look, "What?" Jay laughed shrugging innocently.

"I can cut the tension with a knife." Taunts Sean.

Was he happy when he found out Jay hooked up with Emma once or twice? Course not, Emma would always mean something to him, they were just such stubborn people and would never say sorry for what happened between them.

But.. was he shocked to find Jay and Emma had thing for another? He was shocked when he first heard ofcourse.. but then it kinda made sense. Jay was attracted to power, Emma had tons of that and brain, plus she was a blonde which Jay loved but it seemed the two fought more than him and Emma even did. IF you want to call it fighting..and not sexual tension trying to claw it's way out.

Sean knew they'd never admit it though. Not in his lifetime. Sean didn't know what that turn in his stomach was, guilt? Sadness? Missing Emma as even just a friend? Or maybe just all that aspirin he took.

"You will NEVER believe what I just saw." Manny laughed to Emma, running to her during the party.

"Em." Peter came on over.

"Oh." Emma blinked, on no! She forgot all about meeting him, "Hey." She tried to give her best flirting smile.

Manny whispered in Emma's ear, "Tell you later.." she winked to Peter and left.

"You want a drink?" Peter asked Emma, holding two in his hands and handed her the more filled drink.

Emma wasn't too high on drinking but she shrugged, "Sure." She took a little sip after smiling softly and then he smirked leaning closer.

He told her quietly, "I put some party favors in there."

"What do you mean?" Emma asked confused, shaking her head. In.. her drink?

Like drugs?!

"You know.." drifts Peter, giving her a look that answered her thoughts. Yes, he did.

"Did you _ruffie _my drink!?" Emma exclaimed madly, holding it away from her like it was poison and two figures turned around before their friends did.

"You what?" snapped Sean, over hearing that.

Yes, they were 'enimies' but like he said, Emma meant a lot to him.. it was too much to explain. He was in love with Ellie now.. but he'd always be protective of Emma.

"Jesus Emma I thought maybe we could have some fun." Peter insisted, seeing this getting intense when he looked behind Sean at Jay Hogart. These guys could kill.

Jay went nose to nose with him, Emma was too in shock about the ruffie to be shocked about Jay sticking up for her. I guess they did have some wierd enemy friendship.

"When you drugged her and raped her later while shes passed out? Ya! That's fun! Not illegal at all! Good idea moron!" Jay smacked Peter on the side of his head.

The guy cringed and Sean threatened, "Get the hell out."

"But!"

"Beat it!" Spinner also yelled and the rest of the crowd started to chant it as Emma walked off into the kitchen.

Emma was alone in the kitchen and dumped the cup, glaring at it. Once, just _once_, she really thought she had met a nice guy who could handle her, take care of it.

Boy was she wrong.

She leaned forward on the sink a disappointingly.

The door opened and a figure went behind her, "What? Are you dizzy?" came Jay's voice and he put his strong hands on her hips from behind.

Emma shrugged him off, she didn't want _him_ to touch her like that, not ever again since she understood the fact he was bad, and he'd never change.

"I'm fine." She confirmed.

Jay glanced over her shoulder at the empty cup, "how much did you have?" he turned her around so she was now facing him rather closely, and she annoyingly looked up at him straight in the eyes when he bent his head down trying to look at her eyes.

They say if they were wosy the drug had kicked in, she could pass out any moment.

"I only had a mini sip. Barely nothing." She insisted and he just slowly nodded, piercing his lips and they stared at another for a moment.

Emma stormed right out of the kitchen, she didn't know what her deal was with that _moment_, but she didn't want to think about it right now.

"Em, Em." Came a slury voice and Emma turned to Sean who stumbled a bit, putting his hands on her shoulders.

Emma gave a wierd look, it's only been like 7 minutes from the fight with Peter, he got that drink between that time?

"I-just... I care." He told her.

Emma rolled her pretty eyes at him, "Thankyou Sean. We can go back to our lives now." She looked dully at him until going serious, watching the bitter cross his face.

"Fine." He snapped and went to turn until Emma softened and put a hand on his shoulder this time until he turned, and then her other hand on his other shoulder.

She took a deep breath until she said, "You know Sean? I use to think when we fought all those times, break up, get together, break up.. repeatingly! I thought it was because we were so inlove and needed another." She shook her head.

Sean's eyes squinted, wondering what she was saying.

Emma laughed a little and admitted, "We don't."

"Emma.." drifts Sean. That wasn't ALL true.. he sort of still needed her some how in his life.

Emma corrected herself, "I meant, not like _that. Relationship wise._ We just kept going back because we **do **love another, like family would. I need you because you're my only friend who gives it to me straight, and listens to me. And you need me because I make you better, and can handle your anger issues." She joked and then looked down, shrugging, "Doesn't mean we have to be together, because I don't think we're inlove." She thought about it, "Not anymore anyway." She thought about it more, "Maybe not ever."

Sean watched her get lost in thought and couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. Wow. It was out on the table, Emma wasn't ever in love with him... and... neither was he with her. But he damn well loved her like a sister.

"Still want to kiss your beautiful face though, you genius." Admits Sean, finally seeing light to this friendship. They can finally just be friends.

"Doesn't everybody?" joked Emma when he leaned in and happily kissed her cheek.

"not me!" exclaimed Jay, coming over with Spinner and eyeing the scene just seeing Sean kiss Emma, "Is this some sick joke?" he eyed the two bitterly.

Emma just rolled her eyes and looked to Sean, "Been a long night, I'll see you Monday." She smiled and left, giving Jay once last famous glare between the two and left.

"You're not into her again are you?" Jay asked Sean, looking disgusted.

Sean giggled, shaking his head and then coughed. Wow, he giggled, maybe he was too drunk. Jesus those pills did not help his head at all! And all this beer is just making him want to puke.

"I gotta go." He said, about to get sick and stumbled before Jay caught him by his collar and balanced him, slapping his cheek playfully.

"You gonna live Cam?" joked Jay.

Sean grumbled, "Can we peace?" Jay frowned and looked around, but it was such a good party.

Jay sighed, he had no idea why Sean meant a lot to him. And no, hes not GAY, so shut the hell up. He just saw eye to eye with Sean, they understood another, been through things. He really was like a brother. He gave Jay some hope, Sean, the hopless bad boy, turning into the mature going places guy.. maybe jay some day could do that too.

The two stumbled into the apartment and Jay laughed, throwing Sean's arm off his shoulder.

"You got fucked tonight." He insisted, "Here I thought the rebel in you was gone."

Sean was coughing hard and fell onto Jay's couch. "Yea I guess." He must be REALLY drunk, because he couldn't remember how much beer he even drank.

"You're lookin green my man. I'll get you the trash can." Jay disapeered for a moment as Sean curled up on the couch, then he came back and put it down beside the couch for him.

Sean looked passed out.

Jay snickered, "Night party pooper." He went to go to bed.

"Jay." He heard.

Jay turned after shutting off the light, a bit of light from the windows through the blinds coming through.

"Yeah?"

Sean paused before quietly speaking, "Sorry I'm obeying the system, being unoriginal."

Jay snickered, throwing his hat off tiredly, "s'alright. When you and Nash have kids that'll be your punishment, ginger babies."

He heard Sean laugh a little and then cough again and groaning. Jay smirked and chuckled himself before walking to his room.

"Get some sleep Cam." Joked Jay, about to close his door.

"Night...rebel.." slurred Sean with a tiny laugh before passing out.

Jay laughed and shut the door. As he hit his bed he fell right to sleep. When he woke up again, he felt like Sean probably did last night, a splitting head ache.

Oh hangovers.

Jay groaned when he peeked at his clock and cursed, 1pm. Slept in a bunch, he was shocked Sean didn't come wake him, he was usually a morning person.

Jay opened his door again, coming up and rubbing his hands down his face.

"Yo Cam, wake up, its 1." Jay tossed his hat on again, circling his living room to his kitchen and grabbed a mug.

Silence.

Jay yawned and put on some coffee, glancing at his couch Sean slept on.

"CAM! WAKE YOUR ASS UP. Before I come over there." Jay put on a joking gay voice at the end of it, knowing he couldn't do anything to Sean, usually Sean beat him in their joke fights.

More silence.

Jay eyed the couch some more and put his mug on the counter, slowly going over.

"Cameron?" he stepped as far to see the body of Sean, still laying on his couch, but eyes open.

But not awake.

Sean was paler then last night, no color even in his lips, and his eyes looked so cold. He looked..dead. He was dead.

"Sean?" Jay said more quieter and serious, his face dropping.

Now Jay Hogart didn't know fear. He didn't feel it a lot, but here it was racing through his viens, and he wanted to scream, cry, cry for help, cry like a baby for a friend he couldn't help.

"Sean! Sean!" Jay yelled running around the couch and tried to shake Sean but no movement, and his eyes still stayed open.

Jay jumped back as if it were fire and stared at it, not believing it. Nothing but pure pain washed through Jay, his eyes watering up.

Jay fell to his knees, his mouth dropping as he scanned Sean's body. No, no he couldn't be dead. He was fine last night! They were just partying, having fun, Sean coudn't die.

"You can't die." Jay said outloud, mono tone, but also matter of factly as tears poured down his cheeks. He didn't even seem to notice that.

Jay shook his head frantically, running his hands down his head to the back of his neck.

"We have to go for lunch!" Jay yelled at Sean, "We have to graduate, and we have to prove to those fucking people we are worth a damn!" Jay was crying hard now, face all red and shaking.

Silence.

Sean was really gone.

Jay choked on his cry and sniffed, "You're suppose to have ginger babies." He lightly joked, being in shock and thinking Sean would come back, laugh, and apologise to pretending to be dead.

Because this wasn't funny.

But he didn't.

Jay fell down onto his butt and held his knees up, crying into them.

Jay was good at partying.  
Jay was good at stirring trouble.  
Jay was good at being a smartass, a rebel.  
Jay was **not good** at Death.. espashally of his best friend.

"SEAN!"

_**(JohnnyCash-Hurt)  
What have I become  
My sweetest friend  
Everyone I know  
goes away  
In the end  
And you could have it all  
My empire of dirt  
I will let you down  
I will make you hurt**_

The news of Sean's death had shocked everyone in and out of Degrassi. Even the parents Sean swore shut him out and hated him had come to the funeral. His mother looked a wreck, his father..emotionless.

It was a big funeral too, some people even stayed outside of the church, even though it was raining.

_Ofcourse it was raining on a day like this._

Jay stood in it, wearing his black V shirt and fitted black pants. The rain dropped freely on him and he just stood below a large tree, watching the grey sky and then everyone outside the church who held black umbrellas, crying for the death of Sean Cameron.

It was the aspirin, all that fucking aspirin the kid was downing with booze. Nelson said it... it could kill you.

Who the hell know 20 out 1000 people who did it, Sean would be the one to die from that.

It wasn't fair.

_It should of been me_, Jay thought to himself as foot steps clicked behind him, he didn't notice.. kind of blocked everything out right now, until he saw her face..Emma..

He blinked, the heavy rain drops falling off his face, his hair drenched from the rain. She looked dry, but was now getting wet, from not having an umbrella.

Why was she here? Infront of him? In the rain.. with him.

She looked as wrecked as he was. No make up, paler than ever, lifeless eyes.. it almost scared Jay, thinking back to how much it reminding him of Sean's eyes when he found him dead..

The rain was beginning to get her as wet as him until she spoke up over it, "We have to go."

He assumed she meant the funeral, didn't sound much like a demand though, almost a uneasy question. Like.. did they have to go? Did they have to look at Sean's lifeless body knowing he won't ever come back? Did the two only people Sean had ever had closest to him have to see that?

Jay stared blankly and just as emotionlessly back at Emma... until she grabbed his hand gently, then hard. He stared down at it, confused, then softened and looked at her as she nodded towards the church.. and they went.

They went and they saw, they now understood Sean Cameron, bad boy, heart breaker, best friend, and brother...was not coming back.

"God Emma, this is just so terrible I am so sorry." Spike cried to Emma during the end of the funeral, when everyone went around to share hugs and such with the rest of the people.

Jay stood away from everyone, Emma did sit with him through it, with strangely..made him feel a bit better. She didn't even let go of his hand.. or.. maybe it was him who didn't let go of hers.

As he watched people hug and cry, he wouldn't let anyone touch him, and he glanced at Emma just numbly letting people hug her. He knew what she was thinking, why come to her? She wasn't Sean's girl anymore, Ellie was.. but you couldn't deny the ever lasting friendship between the toy, just like Jay and Sean had.

Boys til the end.

And trufully, it was.. til Sean's end.

Jay then saw Ellie, and gave another glance back seeing who she was with. Craig? Since when were those two buddy, buddies?

Whatever, they played in a band once Jay remembered. Probably just good but strange friends.. I mean.. he couldn't judge..look at him and Greenpeace.

Jay couldn't help but narrow his eyes though watching Craig whisper something into her ear as she cried and then kissed her cheek.

"JAY!" Alex came out of nowhere and grabbed him, hugging him?

Almost everyone stared, Jay didn't even expect himself to do it, but he shoved Alex off, hard, she was okay though and landed back into a churches bench, leaning back on it and giving him a scared, concerned look.

Jay breathed hard, shakenly, and nervously looked around, seeing everyone staring at him, just fucking staring, like they have been doing since Jay called it into the cops that Sean was dead.

Jay bolted. He got right out of there and when he walked back into the rain he heard his name being called.

_Her voice. _Again.

Jay wanted to keep going but he shut his eyes tight and turned.

Emma walked over to him and he expected her to stop and tell him he should do the right thing and stay, even go back in and apoligise.

But she didn't. Emma kept walking when she reached him and just led him to his car. She wanted to go with him.

_**(Demi- Skyscraper)  
All my windows are still broken  
but im standing on my feet **_

Jay drove down the road quickly, through the rain, and it splatter hard against the window, through the silence.

Emma stared out the window and he clenched his steering wheel before glancing at her.

_**you can break everything I have  
you can break everything I am  
like I'm made of glass**_

Emma caught Jay looking at her and they stared at another for a moment, a feeling of safety washed over them, the old familiar understanding between them was also felt through the air.

_**like I'm made of paper.**_

Jay's orange civic was stopped on the side of the country road, the night black, but still raining.

Emma moaned out, running her nails down Jay's lean back as he thrusted slowly but very deeply into her. She gasped and moaned again as Jay clenched his teeth and groaned, holding her hips to his as he pushed himself into her virginity.

_**go on and try to tear me down  
I will be rising from the ground, like a skyscraper**_

Emma bit her lip and closed her eyes, the sound of rain around them, of Jay's hot breath against her neck. She cried out when he went a little quicker and he brought his talented fingers between them to her heatness, rubbing it softly as he pumped, reaching his climax and so was she. He held himself over her carefully, running his fingers down her smooth beautiful milky cheek, staring down at her now passionate brown melting eyes.

God he missed those eyes. And she, his. They stared at another endlessly, deeply, and there was something in those eyes...

_**like a skyscraper..  
**_

Jay panted, leaning his forehead down to hers, sweating head to two. She felt amazing. And he did too, not just because it was sex.. sex after a death of someone you cared for was never suppose to feel 'amazing'. But this did.. and it felt like it was suppose to happen, like Sean's death had finally brought together what wouldn't admit WANTED to be together, but death and growing up.. it did something to you.

Jay jerked on top of Emma into her pelvis, then once more, groaning and sighed heavily, hanging his head by her neck and she whimpered from the intense orgasm and both winced when he pulled out.

He still laid on top of her though, and he didn't move, both staring at another like they had seen a wishing star.


	3. Take Me Home Tonight

"You're that kid, the one from Wasaga bay who defendened some guy during a fight!" Jay exlciamed, standing over Sean as they waited for Raditch to come out.

They had just met, and well, beat another's asses. Sean was blamed for the broken school vending machines which was actually Jay and Sean went all 'phyco' as Jay said, on him.

"It was a mistake.." snapped Sean, narrowing his eyes at Jay who twisted a random flower in his hand.

Jay raised his hand to his ear, "Sorry what?" he joked, "I can't hear you?"

He watched as the guy couldn't help but smirk, then chuckle. The two shared a nod, like all was forgiven even though Jay had a split lip, Sean a brusied cheek... and it was the start of a new friendship.

"Jay?" came a voice, jumping Jay out of the flashback.

Jay sat in his car, dully holding a liter and cigarette, the cigarette hasn't been lit for 10 minutes now.

Jay blinked and looked up through his drivers window at Spinner who gave him a look, then another, which looked like remorse.

Jay was sick of that, he needed NO pity, he was a bad boy, he could be strong, he could do this! So shut the hell up and STOP staring.

"Hey." Spinner greeted with a sad smile.

"Sup?" Jay breathed, finally glancing around at his surroundings. At school, right. Still in his car, probably looking wierd.

"Just got here..." drifts Spinner, watching Jay with concern, it was seeing the most scared guy of Toronto, looking so helpless, lifeless. "You?" Spinner eyed him.

Did Jay know he had been sitting in his car for over fifteen minutes, holding an un lit cigarette and just staring at his windshield?

"Nothing, just having a smoke." Jay lied, raising the cigarette up as if trying to show evidence.

Spinner just nodded slowly and then at Degrassi, "You're coming to school today?"

"It's Monday.." Jay drifted off like it was a stupid question and then huffed, getting out. Spinner moved back and Jay slammed the door shut.

Meanwhile, over by the school steps, Manny sat watching that scene by Emma.

Manny took a deep breath, "Can I just say something we are all thinking?" she asked Emma.

Emma looked down at her binder, not even really studying or writing, just doodling random shapes. This was hardly like her...

Manny went on, "Jay is really taking this harder than I ever could imagine, I mean, I know I said some things about him not being a good guy, but he really was Sean's best friend. I did expect sadness, but for this long? He looks like he needs therapy."

Emma snickered silently, don't we all?

"Could we not talk about it?" Emma asked, lifting her head finally and glancing at what Manny was, Jay walked by not noticing her and she shook her head down, trying to avoid him catching her look.

They haven't spoken since... that night of the funeral. After the shooting and when they stopped hooking up, at least he still wanted to be around her and go back to the enemy friendship they had.. now they avoided another like the plague.

"Em, it's been a month.. when will we talk about it?" Manny whispered lightly. There was so much she wanted Emma to express, she knew the blonde could go to extremes when in pain. And she had something she needed to tell Emma too, about what she saw the night of the party before Sean died..

Emma scoffed, closing her binder, "I don't mind talking about Sean... I'll miss him forever, that won't go away, you can't tell me to move on and feel better about his death because _that _will never happen." Emma shook her head and snapped, "I'm only human, lets be happy I at least don't feel numb anymore and I'm not doing anything drastic."

"Emma!" Manny exclaimed but the blonde stormed off.

Emma needed to take a walk, when she came back she was a little late for class, the halls were empty.

Emma opened her locker to achieve her books as Peter Stone came walking down the hallway. She glanced over, then away, scoffing.

Peter ended up stopping infront of her and Emma sighed, opening her now lock opened locker.

"What?" she snapped, still hating him for the ruffie thing. Creep.

Peter looked actually sad, he felt bad, and he dug his hands into his pockets, "I'm a real jerk, and I wanted to give you a lot of space for what I did to you, but I can't help but want to come up to you, like this, and just finally say I'm sorry."

"Forgiven and defiantly forgotten, bye Peter." Emma taunted, going through her locker as another figure walked down the hall.

It paused for a moment, eyed Emma with Peter, stopped walking... then walked slowly on over.

"Can you just hear me out?" Peter bittered, huffing, "Emma, you of all people know things can happen in a second, I just want you to know I'm sorry."

"I just said it's fine Peter, I just have no intention on being you're friend." Emma said with a simply shrug.

Peter's face hardened, "My life has been hell since that night, everyone judges me, talks, won't let it go, it's not fair. Can you just tell people to back off?" he pleaded.

Emma snickered, telling Degrassi to lay low on the gossip and bullying? That'd be the day.. specially if they listened..which they'd never.

Peter took Emma's snicker very badly and scowled, blood boiling in him, "It's a shame it wasn't _you_ who died."

Emma went cold. She was put into shock by the outrageous comment, but even more shocked over it because she thought about that all the time.

Emma gasped, jumping back when Peter was smacked hard into the locker near her, so hard it echoed through the hall. Peter was in Jay's choke hold, Jay's strong hands around the boy's throat.

Emma even knew it was too much strangling, it could even kill. "Jay!" she yelled, trying to take his hands off of Peter, Jay was way too strong, didn't even budge, his blood shot mad eyes glaring hatefully into Peter's who was about to shit himself.

Peter couldn't even cry for help or choke out sorry with how roughly Jay was choking him.

Emma finally bursted into tears, which was odd, she had only cried when she first heard Sean was dead, the rest of the time, she was numb, now..emotions were for some reason coming back, and now it was all coming apart

"Stop, please!" Emma cried, letting the tears spill as she just dropped the books from her hands that were for class and just walked back out the school.

Jay narrowed his mad eyes to see Emma storming off and madly looked back at Peter who was almost turning purple, his eyes veining. Jay dropped the boy and Peter landed on the ground, coughing and gasping, holding his neck as Jay walked off quick, catching up to Emma.

Emma was outside of Degrassi, about to call her mom to pick her up. She wanted to take Snake's offer, the offer of going to another school, far far away from here.

"Where are you going?" came Jay's rough voice, coming up behind her.

It sent chills through Emma as she mumbled bitterly, "What do you care?" she glanced up when he turned her around to face him, a bit roughly but not too much, enough to make a point.

She was a bit taken back to the look he gave her, his face still looking mad but his eyes holding the littlest hint of caring. He hid it so deep down. What? Was she that repulsive he couldn't admit he cared for her?

Jay tried to calm himself, that Stone kid, really got him. How fucking dare he wish a death Sean had onto someone else? Onto **Emma, **_HIS __**EMMA**__._

"Jay!" they both turned to see Alex and Towerz walking over to them, even Alex gave a wierd look seeing him with Emma.

Alex frowned deeply, she knew there was something strong between these two though she never wanted to admit it..it was something protective.. possessive.. ever lasting.

Emma kept looking at his friends who were getting closer but Jay's eyes returned back on Emma, intensily, not wanting to leave her right now. Her long silky hair blew softly in the wind, her warm but sad brown eyes finally looked up at him and then left.

Jay watched her go longingly, even when Alex and Towerz walked up to him and shared a look, watching him watch Emma until out of sight.

"What's with you?" Alex asked, Towerz nodded.

Jay just looked back at her with no emotion. Alex was his friend, but sometimes she was the dumbest bitch. He walked off as well.

Emma decided to skip another day of school the next day, and upon realizing she hasn't eaten in three days, decided it wasn't best to go anorexic.. Sean would be so mad at her if she did that.. plus, she was getting sick of her mothers constant worry, waiting for Emma to crack.

She decided since school was in session, she could sneak to the dot.

She wore her jean jacket and hugged it tightly around her as she went into the diner, the door bell swinging when she entered.

Spinners boss stood at the counter and greeted her, and that's when she saw Ellie Nash standing there, but not alone.

She held onto Craig Mannings leather jacket, in a seducing way almost, whispering sweet nothings to another and Emma narrowed her eyes hard.

What the fuck was this?

And in that moment, Emma never thought she had seen something so sick..and she's seen _a lot._ Craig had leaned down and Ellie naturally kissed him, like it was something she was use to.

Had this been going on for a while?

Emma was going to be sick, she turned around and left. She really couldn't stand her mom today, so she guessed school was her best bet.

With all the hurt, pain, rage and confusement inside of Emma, she found herself breathing hard and gasping for air when she walked quickly to school. When she went through the parking lot, she didn't notice herself pass the famous orange civic and the door opened when she stumbled past and held onto the car next to it, trying to breath.

"Hey." Came _his _voice, and it only made Emma panic more and more and her body went into shock when he pulled her into his strong arms from behind.

Emma finally did it, she cracked, in Jay Hogarts arms. Jay painfully cringed, holding her tighter when the blonde collapsed into his arms crying her eyes out. He whispered things in her ear like it'd be okay, but she didn't stop crying, Jay was sure she probably hadn't cried for a while if she was being like this, and it hurt even him.

They were back at the Dot, only no Ellie and Craig this time. Emma's eyes still a little tired and glazed as she just stared across from her at Jay's plate, Jay didn't eat his food, she didn't either.

Jay's face hardened, watching Emma. He had been trying to numb the pain of everything, losing a friend, feeling himself slipping, being lonely.. but seeing Emma like this was letting the guilt and worry and pain rush all through him. He forgot he could feel these things.. he hadn't since.. Sean.

But this was different, it was just as strong but it wasn't like Emma was dying in front of him, but he just cared so damn much.

"Eat." Jay ordered Emma and was a little amused when her numb look turned into a passionate glare when she looked at him.

He smirked, see? She was still in there.

He then frowned. Wow, he didn't think he's ever smiled or even smirked since that night of the party.

Emma seemed to soften though and ate, like she said.. Sean would be mad.

Jay rubbed a tired hand down his even more tired face and Emma snuck a glance at him. He wasn't fooliing her, she was as roughed up as she was.

"Are we going back to school after?" Emma's little voice squeeked.

"We have to go.." Jay's reply reminded both him and Emma of when she said the same thing to him the day of the funeral.. and it wasn't a reply.. it was like another question.. like they didn't have to if they didn't want to.

Emma shook her head no, she didn't want to, and Jay nodded back at her. That was okay.

The two ended up driving around in his civic, and they drove down a familiar road.. oh god, where Jay had took Emma's virginity. He knew that right? Emma snuck a glance at him.. that he took it? Had it. And she didn't even regret it.

He made her feel kind of..alive that night. Made her remember it wasn't her who died, they were still living, feeling..

Emma then got a bit startled when Jay pulled over to the side, just like they did when it happened. Oh god, she wasn't really in the mood right now..

"Don't worry." Jay lightly joked, turning the car off and seeing her face, "I'm not gonna pounce on you.." he teased with a half ass smirk. He just needed to stop, and breath.. he figured she did too.

This was a place everything could stop, and be quiet. He knew she'd appreciate it.

Emma raised an eyebrow though, she didn't think it was really Jay who did the pouncing that night. Emma shook away the dirty sexual thoughts away from her head.

"We're not really in a wierd state anymore anyways.." mumbled Emma, thinking that's the only time Jay wanted her.

"You have to be in a bad state of mind to have sex with me?" Jay bluntly said.. Emma's eyes widen, my god he was never scared to say anything.

Emma could only pass him an annoyed look, trying to hide the horror on her face. She didn't want to admit that wasn't true. She had found herself some days this month wanting to be with him, even just like this.

Jay decided to help her out, but still had a smirk on his face, and dug for a smoke in his pocket, "What got you all rattled up today?"

"Ellie." Emma shut her mouth, shocked how fast she answered, how trusting she was of Jay now.

Jay blinked, and went serious, "I haven't seen her much, a few days after the funeral at some grocery store and she looked at me like she didn't know me."

"You wouldn't know her anymore either." Emma sneered quietly looking out the window.

Sean was **in love **with Ellie, did she not GET that? Emma just wanted to slap the girl in the face for being with Craig this soon.. it seemed too fishy, and wrong. So deeply wrong.

Jay was watching Emma closer now, "What happened? She say something to you?" his voice got more stern, almost protective.

Emma sighed and shook her head no.

Silence.

"I saw her kissing Craig." Emma admitted and shrugged slowly, getting teared up again, "I just don't understand how she can forget about Sean so quick when even we haven't.." she drifted off, her voice cracking.

Jay swallowed the lump in his throat hard, looking down, then got mad, furrowing his eyebrows. He saw Ellie with Craig the day of the funeral too.. so clearly there was something between them.

That fucking cunt.

"Can you take me home?" Emma took a deep breath and looked at him. He gave her a hopeless look but slowly nodded, pushing his keys back into the ignition.

He took her home and when they parked into her driveway she slowly looked at him. She didn't want him to go, he reminded her she was going to be okay, one day. He made her feel normal, unlike what other people made her feel. He made her feel.. special even.

Jay kept his car on, thinking she would just hop out but when he looked at her he softened when she glanced back at him and they shared a moment.

"Want to stay?" Emma asked him rather nervously.

Jay opened his mouth, then slowly shut it, looking around a bit in shock. She...wanted him to stay? He looked back at her, more assured, and nodded.

They parked and got out, and went inside her house.

"Emma, how are you? How was the-" Spike stopped rambling with her contant concern for Emma when she saw her daughter enter with a boy.. well, this 'boy' actually looked more like a young man, who had this look in his eyes that Spike immediately trusted.

She stopped talking and watched Emma lead him over, "We're just going to hangout in the basement.." Emma drifts, not knowing what to say or if she should even introduce. Jay probably felt triple awkward.

But Jay stood behind Emma, watching the blonde intensily, he hadn't taken his eyes off her and Spike for some reason liked that. She wanted to see more of him.

"That's fine." Spike admitted, she never would really trust her daughter with a boy downstairs but she did with this one.

She remembered him, Sean's friend, he was a year older than Emma, he looked a wreck the poor deer, as much as he did the funeral when she saw him.

But when he looked at Emma its like she saw hope in his eyes, like she'd help hhim, and Spike smiled warmly, knowing if anyone, Emma could. Geeze what was his name? Josh? No.. Jay! That's it. The one who found poor Sean passed away on his couch.

"You want anything Jayson?" Spike asked politely.

It was like a bolt when Jay looked at Spike, almost in shock she took notice of him, knew his name, and had a warmth to her like she liked him. Usually parents hated him, hell, his even did.

He shook his head slowly though, mustering a sweet smile, "no thanks."

Emma tried not to grin, rolled her eyes a bit embarrassed and grabbed his arm pulling him away.

"Bye mom!"


	4. Leave, Knowing You Were Loved

"_Don't worry, I'm not going to pounce on you."_

Was it wierd Emma took that a bit harshly? Kind of.. hurt when Jay had said that to her, as if he was trying to hint that he didn't want to maybe?

Why did Emma care so much?

The blonde sighed, laying on her back on her bed, alone in her room until the door opened and down came Manny.

"Hey." Manny said softly, walking to the end of it.

Emma lifted her head a bit and sighed sadly, crawling up.

"We haven't really talked all week." Manny said sadly, "Since.." she drifts off about when Emma stormed off when she brought up Sean.. so she didn't want to bring it up again but hinted it.

Emma nodded, she felt bad but I guess she really did need her drastic crack. But, it wasn't so bad, she felt like Jay being there really helped herself pull together.

"Are you still mad at me?" Manny pouted jokingly and Emma sadly smiled, shaking her head but her best friend always knew something was up, "What's wrong?" she crawled onto the bed with her.

Emma thought of Jay.

"Other than 100 other things and my mind and heart not knowing what it wants?" Emma bluntly asked mostly herself and blinked then shook that off her mind and confessed, "I saw Ellie making out with Craig last Monday."

If she should talk to anyone about this, why not Manny?

Emma looked for the shocked reaction but it never came, Manny gave her a calm stern look and Emma looked puzzled.

"Did you hear me?"

Manny sighed deeply and pierced her lips together, trying to put this together.

Manny finally spoke, "What would you say if you found out... I already knew?" she asked slowly, carefully watching Emma whose mouth fell.

"What do you mean Manny?"

"That night at the party, remember I wanted to tell you something?" Manny asked desperately, hoping Emma remembered and could forgive her for not saying anything

Emma slowly nodded, she did remember.

Manny looked down, "I saw Ellie kissing Craig that night, and they left..." her eyes slowly and almost afraid looked back to Emma, "they left the party together." She stated.

Emma looked horrified. So Ellie did this to Sean when he was alive..and was still doing it? She didn't feel the need to change, to ask for forgiveness, to break it off? She didn't feel guilty?

Emma was never a violent girl, but everything in her wanted to hurt Ellie and let everything fall to pieces.

That weekend..

Jay stood at the ravine, he held a beer but he wasn't exactly even drinking it, and Amy was putting her hands all over him but he wasn't exactly flirting back either.

He just wasn't the same old Jay anymore...

"Dude. Lets party." Towerz said to him happily, a bunch of their other friends and some trailer trash around the park standing with them.

Jay looked what was in Towerz hands, extasy, and in everyones hands, a beer.

Jay glared madly at Towerz, "Sean died almost 2 months ago popping pills and drinking and you want to do it again?" he shoved Towerz away from him.

"Dude!" Tyler, another friend, yelled, "Calm down! It's just a party with a bunch of rebels just fucking around!"

"I don't need another death on my hands." Jay growled, leaving.

He stormed madly through the ravine, smashing his beer bottle on the ground on the way, and just about into his car he stopped.

A familiar blonde stood with one of his old not so friendly friend, Aaron. He was a drug dealer, rude, and a womaniser. And the familiar blonde was Emma, and Jay would not stand for this.

Jay stormed over there and heard soft talking coming from Aaron, hitting on her, asking if she wanted any 'party favors' as if the first time with Peter Stone wasn't enough.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jay asked, grabbing her arm.

Aaron looked at Jay and back at Emma, squinting his eyes. Emma looked back at Jay madly and then sadly.

"I just want to get things off my mind." She muttered.

Jay madly shook her, "Did it work last time!?" he yelled madly at Emma, reminding her of their first hook up, yes it was good, for him at least, but it wasn't what she really needed. "Lets go." He dragged her away.

Aaron could tell Jay wasn't fooling around and let it be, turning to another young girl he could take adventage of.

Jay and Emma were now back at her house, her parents at Joeys with Baby Jack. Emma was invited but you can understand why she didn't want to. Craig use to be Sean's best friend too, before they drifted apart.. he didn't feel bad about doing all of this to Sean?

"You're really going to make me sit here for another hour in silence wondering what's wrong?" Jay muttered, sitting on a chair near Emma's bed in which she sat on .

She just gave him a look, raising her eyebrow and he huffed.

"You're going to be the death of me." He growled, rubbing his forehead and closing his eyes as Emma snuck a glance at him and saddened deeply.

That phrase wasn't funny right now..

She looked down. It was wierd how much it hurt to think of what if Jay died.. she came to the realization she'd feel empty. It wouldn't feel right, no more teasing, no more of his charming evil ways, that smoldering look he always gave her.

Emma sniffed and said, "Ellie has been cheating on Sean since Spinner's last party."

Jay blinked and asked, "How would you know that?"

"Manny saw them that night, and they left together too." She snickered bitterly, "Ellie told Sean she was tired, when really she was going to behind his back with Craig."

Jay watched the tears build up in her eyes, and yes it was shitty but why was Emma so torn up about it? He felt his chest cave in a bit.

Woah, what was that?

Jay started to wonder.. did Emma love Sean? Does Emma not like Jay?

Emma's voice cracked when she tried to explain, "I just feel so hurt that Sean left, he **left **thinking he was loved when Ellie was really just a cruel person that never deserved him!" she began to yell and was heart broken a lost boy like Sean had someone in his life, fooling him like that.

_Never deserved him,_ that hit Jay, _she must of only wanted Sean all this time. _

Little did Jay know about the last conversation Emma had with Sean. Emma remembered it like it was still yesterday...

FLASHBACK

_Emma stood with Sean at the party and was looking down, she shrugged and said to him, "Doesn't mean we have to be together, because I don't think we're inlove." Emma thought about it, "Not anymore anyway." She thought about it more, "Maybe not ever." Sean looked at her and smiled softly, nodding._

END OF FLASHBACK.

Emma sighed, sad but happy her and Sean got to discover that and have that deep talk before he left.

Jay looked off in space before he looked at Emma and softened, then quietly said, "He left this world loved Emma, and you know that. Didn't have to be loved from just Ellie."

Emma softened, he was right. Wow, that was really relieving to hear tthat, she felt so much better. Sean was loved, he did have real friends. Her and Jay. Spinner even.

She got lost looking into Jay's eyes but he sighed, looking away, feeling a bit let down and still thinking those thoughts that Emma still loved Sean.

"I gotta go, I'm tired. Don't worry about this ever again, alright?" he raised a warning eyebrow and Emma just slowly nodded watching him go up her stairs.

She let a deep shakey breath out and felt her heart skip. Oh jesus, she was in love with someone who didn't believe in love.

Meanwhile..

The bell of the Dots door rang when a figure stepped in.

As usual, at the counter of the dim diner, stood Ellie and Craig sitting together sharing a milkshake and giggling, smiling with another.

"Look at the happy couple." Came Jay's dark voice.

Ellie and Craig looked up like deer in the head lights, Ellie tried to get back her courage and just gave Jay a 'what' look.

Jay leaned forward on the table they sat on and said lowly, "Does it feel good Craig? _Still_ **fucking** an over -used _whore _that cheated on her deceased boyfriend? The same boyfriend who welcomed **her** into **his **home." Jay growled as he turned his eyes toward Ellie whose mouth dropped, "For her to just disrespect him like this?" he glared between them at their clichéd milkshake they shared, "And do it still after his death?"

Craig blinked nervously and swallowed hard, "You can't stop love Jay, I love Ellie."

"This isn't love." Jay said, disgusted. This is two attention seeking losers.

"As if _you'd _know." Ellie snapped back, thinking Jay was heartless, but she felt it, the pain, guilt and disgust of herself rising in her, she tried to push it back everyday.

Jay's eyes darkened at that reply, he spoke tauntingly, "If this love, I just hope that you stay together and don't **ever **go near another decent human being and ruin his life." He glared at the redhead, "**Literally**." He leaned in closer to her ear so Craig wouldn't hear, "Sean should of let you just slit your wrist to get it done with.. you **never **deserved him, NEVER."

Ellie found tears slipping from her eyes and Craig avoided looking at her.

Jay got up, turned, and left the 'lovers' be to drown in their lies and sorrow.

_**(Pink-Who knew)  
If someone said three years from now  
You'd be long gone  
I'd stand up and punch them out  
Cause they're all wrong  
I know better  
Cause you said forever  
And ever  
Who knew**_

Jay went missing for a week or two, leaving a concerned and worried Emma but she wouldn't admit it out loud.

Wasn't until the beginning of the new month he was back in front of Degrassi, now it had been more than 2 months since Sean's death, and people were finally regrestering it. Taking it in, accepting it.

"What's this?" Jay's voice shocked Spinner, Alex and Towerz as they turned to see their long lost friend.

The four were watching a yellow bus let some kids from Lakehurst off, and into their school.

Alex explained to him, "Lakehurst is moving in, something about their school blowing up. One of them probably did it." She snickered.

Spinner shrugged and admitted, "I almost burned down Degrassi once." He snickered a little nodding to Jay to see if he remembered.. as if he could forget?

"Something you shouldn't really admit to Spinner." Jay said to him, but didn't look at Spinner, he saw Emma standing with Manny, who was talking to a dark skinned man, who had his smooth little moves, making the girls laugh and giggle, his dark eyes watching Emma mostly though.

Jay felt..was this jealousy? He did not like it one bit, and he didn't mean the feeling, he meant this Lakehurst asshole hitting on his blonde.

"Later!" Spinner said to them, hitting Jay's back gently and left.

Alex looked to see a Lakehurst hitting on Emma too and just smirked, "Look, one is even moving in on our dear Cause girl." She laughed with Towerz "Any guys an idiot if they thought they'd get into her uptight prissy pants."

"Any guy is an idiot to be friends with you losers." Jay automatically said, narrowing his eyes to Alex and Towerz who stopped laughing and looked shocked, watching him walk off calmly, not even upset he just threw his two old friends away like garbage.

"JAY!" Towerz yelled, but he didn't come back.

The office door of Degrassi opened, Mrs H coming out and meeting up with Jay, "Ah, Mr Hogart.. I heard you wanted to see me." She let him in.

Jay didn't bother going in but he nodded, "Yeah." He took a deep breath in, "I'm done." He sighed, "I'm dropping out."

Mrs.H gave a little 'oh.' But nodded slowly, sort of understanding plus couldn't really do anything about it, he was now over 18.

Classes were now in session, and Jay took the time to go get his stuff out of his locker.

Didn't shock him how most of it were garbage.

Down the hall, a certain blonde noticed him, felt a little better he was finally around again, and went on over. Emma walked slowly over to Jay who threw some things from his locker into a garbage.

She watched him notice something, and slowly take out a hat, a beanie..Sean's beanie. She saw the sadness finally wash over the face of someone who hid feelings more than anyone she knew, and it was heart breaking..espashally because she cared deeply for him.

But he could never know that. Just like the last time.

"What are you doing?" Emma said softly and quietly, not sure if she was ready for the answer.

Jay looked a bit shocked and looked at her, and threw the beanie out, Emma looked at it and back to him, "Leaving Degrassi." Jay admitted a bit bitterly, not about leaving though, maybe he was still a bit bitter seeing Emma and another guy flirting.

Emma wanted to say no, to beg him to stay, but there was nothing she could do, and they'd probably never see another again, they had no reason..least a reason that wouldn't show they might be falling for the other.

Jay went to look back at Emma to the look back twice, she was walking away and already out the doors.

He frowned deeply, feeling like a spare just went through his chest. Is this..heartbreak? He's never felt the urge to run after someone and he was begging his pride not to right now, but he found himself going after her.

But when he was out the doors, she was gone.

Jay walked off, and away from Degrassi, forever.

It was weeks later that Jay found himself driving off and out of Toronto, away from the crazy city and into a new more cleaner one, starting fresh.

And Emma was back at Degrassi, missing him as much as he missed her. She would sit in class just thinking about where he was headed..where she even was.

And she'd probably never see Jay Hogart again.

Jay saddened, driving into his new city, Connecticut.  
_  
__**(Stuck on you-Stacie)  
I can't take it  
what am i waiting for?  
my hearts still breaking  
I miss you even more  
And I can't fake it  
The way I could before  
I hate you, but I love you  
I can't stop thinking of you!  
It's true  
I'm stuck on you**_


	5. This Is The New Life

_10 months later.._

"Hey Hogart!" called his friend Nate.

Jay looked up from the engine he was working on and went around the truck, over to his friend and co worker.

Nate winked at Jay, standing beside a pretty brunette, "Thought you'd like to take this." He slapped Jay's chest playfully and left.

Jay looked the same, only more buff and a bit of hair on his chin that he forgot to shave today.

The brunette smiled almost seductively at him. Turned out, he liked Connecticut, wasn't so bad. Just missing...one thing. But Jay didn't like catching himself thinking about _that_.

"the light in my car burnt out." She told Jay.

Jay eyed her and raised an eyebrow, "You know that can easily be fixed and a lot cheaper if you went to Walmart and got a new bulb."

She smiled wide, "I wanted to come here." She teased.

Jay snickered a little, looking down and nodding, he got the hint, lots of girls came to the shop after he got hired, looking to flirt. He had seen some girls yeah, nothing at all serious though.

He couldn't find the right one. Not here. **Not **that he had met her yet. Okay, **fuck**, he was a fool, he had clearly fallen for Emma but now it was too late, gone..passed.

Lost that chance.

Besides, she never even hinted she wanted him so why keep mooping about it?

"I'll take care of it for you." Jay told her but got serious, "I'll get the new assistant to work on it."

The girl frowned and her mouth dropped and Jay carelessly turned, "Oh but!" her desperate cry made him turn and so did Nate from another car, eavesdropping.

Nate raised a concerned eyebrow at Jay, the guy was a good wing man, and he had seen him take home any girl he wanted, but he knew he could take a lot more home, even when not trying.. so why wasn't he trying at **all**?

Jay turned as soon as Nate came walking back over slowly and the girl scoffed, "You really can't tell when a girl is flirting with ya, can you? Canadians." She said with a joking snicker.

Nate chuckled as well as Jay clenched his jaw but smirked and nodded. He knew, he was just..different nowa days.

Nate rolled his eyes, "He knows Daphne, he's just picky." He joked to Jay and Jay now got it, this girl was Nate's friend, he was trying to set Jay up with her.

Did Jay seem **desperate **or something!?

"What's your type then Hogart?" Daphne seemed to curiously ask, leaning on their auto shops counter.

Jay stood in silence, his eyes getting a little foggy while in thought, "Blonde." He said, thinking about someone, "Smart." He looked down sadly, "Caring.."

A flashback hit his memory:

_"Aspirin and booze mixing. How smart." Taunted Emma passing through Jay and Sean, and then added, "That causes death you know."_

_"Oh god, so does endless ranting GP." Jay taunted back with his classic smirk._

END OF FLASHBACK

Jay frowned, missing **her**, then frowned more for thinking about Sean. Wow, it's almost been a year...

Daphne giggled, "Well I'm not too known for being that smart, but I know some girls." She insisted with a laugh.

Jay snickered, no, that certain girl was miles and planes away, "Don't need to be set up thanks." He confirms. He could do it himself, just didn't see the need to lately.

Nate huffed and Daphne shook her head, "Ok, I'm just trying to get you guys to come to my party." she told him and Nate, "My sorority is having this huge blow out."

Her and Jay shared a friendly smirk and he shrugged, "Fine." he sighed, seeing Nate mouth 'please' to him, without her seeing. Nate had to admit, he had the hots for Daphne himself. She was like a friggen twin of Megan Fox.

Daphne smiled, "Awesome, I'll see you there.", both guys just nodded, with that, she left. Jay chuckled when he saw Nate drolling and watching her as she left, checking her out.

_**Boy you can say anything you wanna  
I don't give a shh, no one else can have ya  
I want you back  
I want you back  
Wa-want you, want you back  
UH!**_

Jay and Nate entered the party that weekend, at some college sorority house, ofcourse. Predictable.. but hot too.

The two guys shared a laugh, walking through the crazy party, music blasting, even some naked girls around the house. And Jay thought he use to party hard..

Some girls smirked and giggled passing the two, taking the obvious fact the two were gorgeous guys. Nate looked very much like that Nate guy from the Tv Show Gossip girl..how ironic!

Jay just smirked watching the two redheaded twins wink at him and wave, passing by.

"Daphne!" Nate yelled over the music to the dance looking floor where some people danced or stood around, Daphne was grinding on some guys.

_**I broke it off thinking you'd be cryin'  
Now I feel like shh looking at you flyin'  
I want you back  
I want you back  
Wa-want you, want you back  
Uh**_

Girls passed and they dressed up as bunnies, it wasn't even Halloween, September actually. Jay laughed with Nate taking the beer that were on the bunnies' trays they carried and offered. College was def wild.

Daphne danced over smiling and swung her arms around Jay, "Hey Prince Charming." She teased and winked at Nate, "Hey loser."

Nate just smiled and rolled his eyes, "Where's all these girls?"

Daphne dropped her arms off Jay rolling her eyes, even he did, he wasn't here for that, just for a party.

Daphne grabbed her own beer as tapped a shoulder of another brunette who stood with a bunch of girls, "Girls these are my friends Nate and Jay."

Jay sipped his beer carelessly, seeing the flirtious smiles run over their faces as they turned but then he almost spat out the beer in his mouth to the one girl who didn't look up and was texting on her phone.

Emma.

_**Please, this ain't even jealousy (jealousy)  
She ain't got a thing on me (a thing on me)  
Tryin' to rock them ugly jeans jeans jeans  
Uh**_

Daphne snaked her arm up on Jay, holding the back of his neck seductively while standing beside him and explaining, "This ones hard to catch though girls." she teased, seeing her close friends Rachel and Kim REALLY checking him up.

Emma had longer blonde hair, and her no more bangs, the way she dressed was different..still Emma like but more young woman. Tight black skinny pants with a leopard bustier. Damn she looked hot..

Daphne couldn't help but notice as one of her friends tried to introduce themselves to Jay, he was in total lala land and caught him staring at Emma.

Emma seemed to huff as she stared down at her phone and went squeezing by the girls looking in a hurry to go and then when she looked down at her phone that started to ring, she walked right into Jay himself. He was staring, and should of moved out of her way, but he couldn't, and he grabbed her arms from falling back.

Emma blew a hair out of her face as she looked up to apologise. Her mouth hung and he was finally getting through the shock stage, going into denial as he squinted his eyes down at her skeptically, "Didn't take you as a sorority girl." he teased.

Emma couldn't breath, and she even dropped her phone then snapped out of it, cursing and bent down to it. She couldn't help but keeping her eyes on him though in a clustered way, "W-what are YOU doing here?"

Jay was finally in the reality stage and he grinned ever so widely. Emma Nelson was here, in front of him, it didn't get any better than this.

"Oh no, no, no." Daphne said, noticing the two staring and standing awfully close to another, she went between them and Jay frowned as she made a bit of a gap between him and his Greenpeace.

"Not this one Hogart." Daphne teased, raising Emma's hand to a huge carrot ring on her FINGER?! "She's engaged." she smirked.

Emma for some reason found herself looking around at the party as Daphne did that, not wanting to look him in the eye, she knew it was crazy. Jay's mouth hung and he looked kind of, hopeless, and his eyes almost showed a bit of sadness until he did what he did best.

Hid it.

"Congrats." Jay told Emma who slowly looked down and then up at him, sort of like a puppy. Jay knew there was an elephant in the room and tried to make it less away, "Whose the unlucky guy?" he tried to use their old bickering to get over the hurt, shock and jealousy

Emma and Jay locked eyes as she tried to speak up. She coughed and finally choked out, "His names Kelly. He's Daphne's brother." she had a hard time explaining, shifting her eyes to Daphne and praying she didn't tell Kelly the weird encounter with Jay.

But that didn't mean she wanted to walk away. It was Jay, Jay Hogart..she thought he was long gone and played so many scenarios in her head of what he might be doing until today. Now she knew, he was in Conneticut.. and seemed to be doing good for himself. Why did that bug her so much?

"Damnn." Nate breathed, coming beside Jay again and hung off of him with an arm as he looked Emma up and down as she finally picked up the constantly ringing phone, when she turned her back to talk, Nate went on, "This girl is-"

Jay grabbed Nate's face as he kept his eyes on Emma and warned Nate, "Off limits." he sounded serious and dark.

"Off yimits." Nate tried repeating but Jay held his jaw so tight he could barely move his mouth, "Wet go now."

Jay gave a weird look to him, wet go? OH LET GO. Jay did so and smirked as Nate tried to balance himself again.

Jay couldn't believe it, engaged?

... It wasn't fair


	6. A Girl Like You Is Impossible To Find

The party was great, but Jay couldn't enjoy it, and was more infatuated with watching Emma across the room and smirking whenever she caught him watching.

He wasn't so amused though whenever he caught one or few of the college girls, asking to check out her ring.

It must of been new.. and who was this guy? It's been 10 months since he last saw her, how long had she known him?

How long since he was gone did she GET to know this guy?

"You want to dance?" one of the girls Daphne had introduced him too, Rachel, had come up to him as he finished his beer.

"I don't dance." Jay admitted, glancing down at her and back over her shoulder, to Emma.

"Well you don't really need to, I can do all the work." she said with a smirk, flirting. This girl was cute, think old Britney Spears and a sweet high voice, any guy would want a piece of that.

But Jay was way distracted by someone else, someone more beautiful, more original, more- he got a little happy when he caught Emma look over, glancing with a hard look at the girl who spoke to him then at Jay, looking away and hoping he didn't see that.

He did.

"I'm gonna pass this round." Jay told Rachel as nicely as he could, smiling a bit and walked around her as Emma began to walk away too but looked over her shoulder and nodded to the back door.

She was just sitting on the back step as he came out, and he laid his empty beer between them as they sat.

"Who knew you'd be hiding out in Conneticut." Emma teased, hugging her knees.

Jay shook his head, the corner of his eye getting another shot of that huge ring on her finger, "Not hiding out." he confirmed.

"You ran away." Emma simply declared, and he glared up at her.

"Jay Hogart doesn't run away." he said sternly and she just rolled her pretty brown eyes. He looked away. Did he run away?

"I did." Emma admitted, not ashamned, Degrassi was a train wreck, "It was to college in Niagara first, I got accepted early for good grades right after you left." she went red, trying not to explain more of that, admitting that she may of left cause he did.

Degrassi wasn't the same with him. Felt lonely, boring.

"That's where I met Kelly, and we moved here together." she looked down at her hands and played with her fingers as she mentioned that part

"You moved on fast." Jay said bitterly while taking out a cigerette.

Emma shot her eyes at him skeptically, was he being an ass and meaning with Kelly? Or moving from city to city.

Jay was definately a jerk and meaning about onto another guy. He couldn't help it. He always felt so greedy with her.. even back when they first met and Towerz tried to make fun of her, Jay wasn't having it, only HE could do it, and he did it in a flirty teasing way.

"Uh." Emma shook her head and tried to skip that, "What have you been doing?"

"Are you even FINISHED school?" Jay couldn't get off the topic and snickered, looking around as he lit the cigerette, "We're standing in the middle of a Sorority party, course you're not." he inhaled deeply and she glared as he blew the smoke out.

"He's a great guy!" Emma snapped madly and waved his smoke away from her. It's like he lit it up to piss her off.

"Hasn't even been a year since I last saw you!" Jay exclaimed, looking her dead in the eye, "Just how long have you known him and make this dumb decision?"

"Life's short!" Emma snapped and yelled, "You know that of all people!"

Sean, she had to bring up Sean. And Jay understood, Emma was still afraid of death. There was something in her eyes that was different too. Jay looked harder to figure it out.

Nate slammed the back door open, peeking his head out and looking excited, "Hey Jay, there's some girls in there that are actually going down-" he shut up when he saw Emma turn her head too and they both looked bitter at his intrusion "Oh, hello there."

"Charming." Emma taunted him but smiled, shaking her head.

"See you inside Nate." Jay said hard and Nate understood it wasn't a good time.

"Got it." Nate put his thumb up and shut the door.

Emma turned slowly back to Jay and they sat their in silence and she closed her eyes. When she opened them she found the courage to speak.

"He makes me happy." but as she said it out loud, she felt her stomach turn and she stared at Jay. Maybe she had been fooling herself she was happy, that Kelly was as good as it got since because she was missing something.

Jay bitterly inhaled his cigerette, "Is that so?" he snickered, and stared at his cigerette as he inhaled and exhaled, "See how long that happiness lasts." he bittered.

Emma stared at him madly and in disbelief. Well, he always had the balls to speak what was on his mind. Her blood boiled because well, he may of been right but screw him!

As Jay stared at the cigerette, he was thinking about how love wasn't based just on fucking sappy happiness, but the passion between two people, and chemistry... passion is what made something last forever. He doubted Emma and this guy had it.

Emma madly snapped the cigerette from his fingers as she ripped it and stood up, throwing it away and then stormed off.

"see you soon." Jay called over his shoulder, sounding taunting but hopeful.

She answered with slammed the door shut behind her.

He stood there, feeling a little bad but then smirked, see? Passion.

_But hold your breath  
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you  
Over again  
Don't make me change my mind  
Or I won't live to see another day  
I swear it's true  
Because a girl like you is impossible to find  
You're impossible to find_

This is not what I intended  
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart  
You always thought that I was stronger  
I may have failed  
But I have loved you from the start  
Oh

But hold your breath  
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you  
Over again  
Don't make me change my mind  
Or I won't live to see another day  
I swear it's true  
Because a girl like you is impossible to find  
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep  
Breathe me in  
I'm yours to keep  
And hold onto your words  
'Cause talk is cheap  
And remember me tonight  
When you're asleep


	7. I Have Died Every Day Waiting For You

"Well." Nate said, impressed the next day at work.

Jay worked under the hood of some old truck and glanced at him, wondering what he was amused about and went back to work.

Nate smirked, and leaned on the car Jay worked on, "I haven't seen you so caught up in a girl."

Jay knew what he was talking about, Emma, and he just shook his head trying not to smile.

"I see that smirk." taunted Nate, "You liked her."

Jay set the tool down and grabbed a white rag to whipe his hand, "I know her." he walked around Nate.

Nate blinked and followed after him, "How do you know her?" he stopped at the counter.

Jay picked up a chart of the orders for today and as he read, he explained, "We went to the same highschool."

"Let me guess." Nate said smirking while thinking of the girls long beautiful tanned legs, "Cheerleader."

Jay snorted, "Wrong." he flipped a page on the chart, reading more orders. Emma probably thought Cheerleaders were a cliche, and invented for perverted reasons.

Nate wondered, "What was she then?"

"She was Emma." sighed Jay, putting the chart down. There was nothing that could really explain her..

"Give me something here." Nate begged, "She single? Did you date? Are you getting in on that...can I?" he smirked.

Jay narrowed his eyes and walked back to his car, Nate following again, "No we didn't, no she isn't and no you can't."

"You didn't answer the you going after her part." Nate said cockily, leaning back on the truck and Jay grabbed another tool.

"She's engaged." Jay informed.

"Ouch." winced Nate, knowing Jay had eyes for this blonde.

"But yeah..." Jay admitted with a bit of a smirk when he locked eyes with Nate, "I'm into it." before he hid it, and she got away, and then the second time he was stupid and hurt, and hurt her... now this was his last chance, it had to be. He had to try..

"Geez man I've never seen you so into a girl." Nate wondered, "She hurt you bad in highschool?"

Jay closed the hood of the truck almost too harshly, and he stood there a bit blankly, "Think I may of hurt her..." he drifted off sadly, "Or little of both.." he admitted and turned to lean on it.

Nate smirked a bit, looking around so no one heard him say this, "Daphne says they like to meet up a lot for coffee at Dickson Square." he cringed, "Heard Daphne's been blowing chunks since the party. Alchohal poison."

He hinted at Emma being alone for today. It was perfect.

Jay turned his head to look at him as they both leaned on the truck, and Jay slowly began to grin. He felt his heart pound a bit faster, thinking of going to go and see if she was there and then blinked. Wow. It was scary being so sure what that feeling was now.

He may of been in love with Emma Nelson all this time.. he was just too stupid and young to realize it before.

He hit Nate's shoulder and went walking out of the garage, going on break.

"One coffee please." Emma told the coffee boy who stood in a small shop on wheels on the street, it was cute, a lot of little hot dog stands, or little coffee places or jewleery stores were lined up down this street, and on the other side was a huge patio with chairs and tables to sit if you wanted to enjoy the outside weather.

As she waited she cursed when she felt her phone ringing again and again, Kelly would never stop! She put it on silent and turned back to the window of the shop, waiting.

Jay walked down that same street, and she wasn't hard to find, the tall model like body, long blonde hair, and a rock on her finger that blared people in the face when the sun hit it.

"Thanks." Emma said, smiling back at the boy who passed her coffee.

"Same thing." a deep voice behind her said as she turned and knew that voice too well, Jay. He smirked but kept his eye on the coffee shop.

She glared, knowing he knew she was infront of him, "Stalking me now?" she taunted.

Jay looked down and blinked as if just realising she was there, "You like this place too huh?" he asked, reaching out for his coffee, "Always come here." he lied, "Around the corner from my work." least that part was true.

Emma rolled her eyes as she walked around him, "Little suspicious since I've never seen you here at all, or at the specific time." she walked to a table and sat, she didn't invite him but knew he followed and sat across from her.

"I usually have my coffee at this time." Jay insisted, trying not to smile, and checked his watch. "Specifically at..." he read it out loud, "1: 24."

Emma gave him that 'i know you too well' look, and she did. He smirked cheekily.

"If you've come to apoligise, then do so." she declared, leaning back in her chair and waited for it impatiently as he patiently sipped his coffee.

"Apologize?" he grinned while sipping it again then shook his head no.

Emma's mouth fell, "Then you can't have lunch with me!" she hissed and pouted as he stayed sitting, glancing around.

"Free country, we're in public." he taunted and grinned at her firey stare.

"You haven't changed." she said to him, raising an eyebrow.

No, Jay thought to himself, not really..other than relizing some things.

"You either." he replied back and didn't understand why she took that offensively when she glared again. He loved the way she was.

Her purse on the table started to viberate like crazy and Jay gave a wierd look, "My phone." Emma snapped at him knowing his dirty thoughts and he grinned.

He asked, "How come you always seem attached to that thing? What would the old Emma say.." he coughed and put on a girlish voice, "Phones are the devil, we humans depend TOO much on electricity that polutes this world."

Emma tried not to laugh, but giggled and it sung in his ears.

She finally pulled her cell phone out and turned it off, Jay raised an eyebrow and she was little stunned herself. Kelly probably would give her hell for that.

"Ignoring the husband?" taunted Jay.

Emma gave him a 'watch it' look and shrugged, "don't have time to talk, got to go to class."

"You're talking to me." he points out.

"You're stalking me."

"He's harressing you as well with those constant rings and texts."

"So what? He's allowed to." Emma was getting heated, only Jay could crawl under her skin like this, point out everything and call her out.

"Whens your class?" Jay asked, knowing she'd spill the truth when she was antsy and under pressure.

"In an hour!" she snapped then shut her mouth

"Seems enough time to chat.." drifted Jay with a low smirk, and taunted again, "Specailly if he makes you so _happy_."

"I don't know what you're trying to do here, but you can stop." Emma said, nose flaring and eyes squinting as she stood up, taking her coffee, "have a good day."

"See you tomorrow same time, same place." Jay informed after her as she stormed off, her high heels clicking and she glared firely over her shoulder at him.

She was so mad, so angered by him, so frustered, so.. excited he was back in her life. Emma walked more faster and tried to ignore her heart going wild, she could practically hear it herself.

She tried to pay attention in class, but her eyes would slowly drift off out the window, wondering what he was doing.. she use to do that in highschool.

She couldn't believe they had bumped into another again, in different cities,with same friends...what was that? Was that fate?

... Emma looked down but found a smile slowly creep onto her face.

_I have died everyday waiting for you  
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you  
For a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more_

Time stands still  
Beauty in all she is  
I will be brave  
I will not let anything take away  
What's standing in front of me  
Every breath  
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

(thousand years- Christina)


	8. The Truth Is Out

"Then I told professor.. why can't you just sleep with me?" Emma listened to Daphne ramble on as they walked to their patio for lunch, "I mean why not? I know he wants it, I need a good grade." Daphne explained, "It works out!"

Daphne then stopped seeing someone at their usual table, but she didn't mind who it was and smirked down at Jay who was smirking up at them too, more at Emma.

"Daphne, you know Jay." Emma said with a dull tone, but hid the fact she was impressed he had kept coming back for 4 days now.

The first day she sat with him, eyeing him closely and slapping his hands away from her food when she bought food the next time. The second time they finally chatted more and by chat she meant him pesturing her and her yelling at him. The third time was casual, and same old teasing, and now this..

Emma was trying so hard not to look forward in seeing him everyday..

"Do I ever." Daphne practically purred, sitting next to him, Emma across, "How's work?"

"Slow today.. I get a 2 hour break." Jay informed.

Emma opened her mouth but Daphne cut her off, "We get an hour!" Emma scowled at her and Daphne kept opening her big mouth, "Emma gets another too since her wierd enviroment class went on some hiking trip." she rolled her eyes.

Emma was too hot and HER friend to be too into that stuff.

Jay grinned, seeing Emma not liking Daphnee giving him too much information.

"you didn't go?" he asked Emma, eyeing her. That was wierd, something was wierd with that.

Emma glared at him, knowing he knew that was wierd of her. She wasn't happy about it either but-

Daphne explained, "Kelly would freak."

"Wouldn't want that." Jay taunted but Daphne didn't notice the sarcasm.

Daphne sipped her coffee and went on explaining, "He's busy with his unniversity and our family is always down his throat about the family business, so he likes knowing where she is and what she's doing if he's not with her."

Jay raised his eyebrows, amused with how much information to his bennifet she was giving him.

Emma wanted to kick Daphne, put a piece of tape on her mouth and tried to speak up, "Anyways, I-"

Daphne cut her off again, "They met in college." she told Jay but he already knew but she gave him something more, "I guess Emma had a pretty wild reputation so he doesn't exactly trust her but he should, it's like she turned off some switch." she turned to Emma, putting a hand on her shoulder, "She's our hot little nerdy Emma again."

Emma wanted to choke on her latte and die. Wake up, and die again. She went red as an apple.

"Ok Daphne." Emma finally spoke up quickly and gritted her teeth, "You're late for class." she avoid Jay's face.

Jay looked a bit thrown off, and curiously looking at Emma.

Daphne gasped, "Oh shoot I am!" she got up and winked, "I want to go early and talk to professor." she waved to Jay, "See yeah Prince Charming."

Jay nodded at her naturally and then leaned forward on the table, squinting his eyes as he tauntingly repeated the word, "Wild?"

Emma scowled, knowing he wouldn't drop that.

"People do that in college." she snapped, putting her nose up. That should be enough.

It wasn't.

"But not Greenpeace." Jay insisted. She didn't believe in cliches, or bad behavior. Not other than those naughty times with him-

"I wasn't Greenpeace there." she seemed to say a bit too sternly and he was a bit taken back, "Or here." she told him seriously, "So stop looking at me like I'm still her."

"you are." Jay simply said and she looked intensily back at him as they stayed staring at another for a moment. Jay didn't understand, what had made Emma run away and change herself before moving again and trying to start a new life?

She was perfect the way she was.

Emma simply looked down and he watched her fingers tap on her coffee slowly, clearly still bothered, but raised it to her mouth so she didn't have to talk and looked away from him.

He softened.. she just needed a reminder for who she was.

Jay opened his apartment door that weekend as Spinner bursted through, "Man, I am SHOCKED you wanted me to visit for your birthday!"

Jay rolled his eyes, closing the door behind him since not seeing anyone else, he never celebrated his birthday..but he had a bit of a plan.

"Yah, yeah" Jay sighed, turning to see Spinner widened his arms, "No." Jay firmly said, no hugs.

Spinner pouted and Jay scowled but the boy slowly came up and quickly bear hugged him before letting go and looking around, "NICE PAD!"

Jay just snickered but nodded.

"Where's the girls?" Jay asked.

"Jane has a ton of bags." Spinner growled, "I loaded them into the car, I'm not bringing them up." he said, so un gentlemen like. So Spinner like.

"And Manny?" Jay asked just as the door slammed open with panting girls, dragging the bags in.

"I don't know you told me to bring Manny." muttered Spinner behind Jay so the girls wouldn't hear.

Jay understood that, but he needed it to be done. She was Manny's best friend back when he remembered.. so hopefully she'd be able to help him.

"Thanks for the help sweetie." Jane taunted, dragging her bags in and dropped them, falling Manny to fall on the couch tiredly.

"Now." panted Manny, breathing heavily and looked up to Jay, "Where is the fun around here?"

"I didn't tell her you wanted her to come, kept to the story." Spinner told Jay while they drived to the beer store, Spinner went on about Manny, "Luckily Jane was close to her and could make it happen. My girl friend seems to take a liking to my exes.. Manny.. Darcy..-"

"I get it Spinster." joked Jay, driving.

Spinner snuck a closer look at him and grinned, poking his shoulder, "You're different."

Jay tried to glare at him and looked back at the road.

"Oh don't get all tough with me, it's the Spinster!" he said excitingly.

Jay shook his head while grinning, why was he friends with this idiot?! Truth be told though, they were still close, even if they didn't talk every day like they use to.

With Sean gone, if Spinner was too, Jay would of lost the two most closest friends he's ever had and as tough as Jay acted to be, he didn't want to ever think about that.

"Got the booze my ladies." Spinner insisted, holding up wine in one hand and vodka in the other, Jay followed behind him carrying a case of beer.

Manny and Jane clapped on the couch and went to the kitchen following them.

As Jane and Spinner got cups and prepared, Manny couldn't help but eye Jay Hogart. She leaned on the counters by him and pierced her lips together.

"Hope it's not a burdon I came." she told him.

Jay glanced at her while opening his beers box and muttered, "Not a problem." actually my idea.

Manny eyed him and glanced at Spinner and Jane, "They said you'd be cool with it. I did need some time away from that god awful place." she sighed, looking down.

Jay caught that look in her eye when she looked back up at him.. it was the same look Emma had when Jay noticed something cold and distant in her eyes.

What had happened that he wasn't aware of?

"What's new in Degrassi?" he asked.

Manny wasn't so use to speaking more than as many words as she just said to him, but shrugged and tried to keep the conversation up, "I graduated a few months ago. Liberty Vandtz is pregnant.. did you know Alex is gay?" she hit his arm.

Jay chuckled, he knew.

"Anything else?" he egged on, maybe he could find the reason why Emma left too.

Manny had that look again and she looked down, playing with her hands as Spinner and Jane turned back to them, glancing at the scene.

"Jt Yorke died." her voice cracked a bit.

Jay's mouth fell as he pulled out a beer, to slowly put it back into the box. That was it.

"Sorry." laughed Manny sadly, tears starting to fall as she ran off and into Jay's bathroom, closing and locking the door.

"Good one." Jane taunted Jay and Spinner cringed.

"When did he die?" Jay asked in shock, he knew the kid, a clown, teased him a little but couldn't deny the fact he was a good guy, a laugh.

Spinner scratched the back of his head, "About a month after you left? It was at their party." he nodded towards the bathroom.

"Manny's party?" Jay asked

Spinner nodded but then corrected himself, "Manny's party, but Emma Nelsons house."

Jay understood now, and he leaned back against the counter with a blank look. Jesus. No wonder she was so hurt and moving too fast with this Kelly guy.

When Manny finally cleaned up and used the toilet paper to whipe her make off from her tears, she opened the door. Spinner and Jane were gone and Jay was standing right where he was when she told him Jt had died.

"Sorry about that.." mumbled Manny, coming back over to him.

Jay didn't see her there and turned his head to look at her a bit doe like and then blinked to nod, "My fault." he said and looked down.

Manny eyed him, what was up with him?

"So.. what's new?" she awkwardly asked, noticing Jane and Spinner were gone. This was so wierd.

Jay smirked, "Same ol', same ol.'

She laughed lightly, knowing they couldn't really have that conversation, they didn't really know another. But as she looked around she had to admit, "You look like your doing well."

Jay grabbed a beer, seemed like a great time to drink it. He nodded though and said, "I like it here." even more now that a blonde also lived here. He eyed Manny.

"It's nice here." she nodded.

"You... come for Emma?" Jay asked her.

Manny seemed to do a double take to look at him and she looked a little bit scared to answer, nervous.

She swallowed hard and Jay noticed the nervous wreck she had become, "We..we don't talk much anymore. She doesn't know I'm here."

Jay gave a wierd look.. these two use to be sewn to the hip.

"I'm hoping to look her up." Manny insisted to then remind herself Jay just asked HER if she was going to visit her.

Did he know where Emma was?

"Have you seen her?" her voice cracked and she bit her lower lip.

He nodded slowly back, "She's around." he still couldn't believe it... why didn't they talk anymore?

"How is she?"

Jay tried to muster a fake 'great' but couldn't, he had to admit it, "I guess she's okay."

Manny knew what that meant, she was different, she wasn't being the Emma they knew. They had stopped talking when Emma's parents told Emma it was crazy of her to run off and marry Kelly.

"Is she married yet?" Manny asked.

Jay raised an eyebrow, so she knew. "No."

"She still with him?" Manny asked in a very bitter tone and Jay liked the sound of it, clearly Emma's best friend didn't agree with it either.

"He's around, haven't met him yet." Jay confessed.

Manny shook her head, almost forgetting she was talking to JAY HOGART, but she had to finally lash out to SOMEBODY, "He thinks he could just change her, take her away from her friends and family." she looked so mad and went on, "And she let him, because she thinks after Sean, and after JT." Manny had tears in her eyes again.

Jay understood, Emma had said it before... she thought life was too short. If it was, it wasn't the excuse to live fast and be with somebody who made you miserable, doing things you didn't like...running away from home and good friends.

Manny looked a bit embarressed but her outburst, but then she slowly eyed Jay and relaxed, to then look curious, "You've been hanging around her?" Manny wasn't stupid, Emma had told her after quite some time that she lost her virginity to Jay before.

But that was the last they spoke of him, Emma seemed to want to make Manny think it was a one time thing, even if they had hooked up before, but Manny knew it was something more but didn't press on since of Sean's death..but then came Jt's and then Bam, it felt like Emma was gone too.

Jay coughed awkwardly, but nodded, almost choking on the beer he sipped. That probably seemed odd to Manny, all he knew she knew was him and Emma were enimies who hooked up at the ravine and he was that same bad boy from Degrassi.

Manny tried not to smirk, seeing him get all rattled up, "What's wrong?" she taunted, crossing her arms.

Jay whiped his mouth and then eyed her for his breath to stop, oh shit, she saw through him didn't she?

"We eat at the same place." he said lamely and swallowed hard, "For lunch.

"Right, lunch." Manny nodded slowly and tilted her head, "Usually have lunch dates with old enimies from the past?... enimies that are girls, with pretty blonde hair and that you call Greenpeace."

She knew.

Jay downed his beer and still tried to look innocent, "She's with Kelly. He's a _great_ guy." Jay mocked what Emma had said to him, hoping Manny would believe him and think he wouldn't dare try to come between that.

"You said you didn't know him." Manny grinned, huh...what a small world, Emma and Jay, together again.

Jay grabbed another beer and muttered something as Manny giggled and watched him walk out of the kitchen.


	9. I Wish I Knew Then, What I Know Now

"A sorority." Spinner stepped onto the campus and looked at the big sisterhood house, a bunch of people going inside to party, "Jay you shouldn't have."

Jane slapped his arm jealously and giggled at his ouch. They four plus Nate who tagged along, walked to the entrance.

Manny stayed back with Nate and Jay, "She's going to be here?" she muttered to Jay who nodded.

Nate eyed Manny at the corner of his eyes and smirked a bit, she was rather cute. Really cute. She caught him looking at her and looked away quickly, swallowing hard. Oh god, she caught him.

Manny shook her head smiling and opened the door for the music to pound around them, dancing, making out, belly shots, naked girls, drugs..yup this was a college back!

"Awesome." Jane said sarcastically but with a smirk, holding Spinner's hand.

Jay saw her first, Emma, and by the way it looked, she was with Kelly and he was whispering into her ear and looked mad at her, and Emma was just..taking it?

That wasn't his Emma. No, his Emma would get her claws out and defend her like no other woman could.

"There she is." Manny breathed, finally seeing her too and muttered, "There _he_ is too." Jay glanced at her glaring at Kelly and chuckled, least they saw eye to eye on that.

Meanwhile with Emma

"And ignoring my calls is one thing, but not texting me back?" Kelly snapped at Emma.

Daphne was behind them and eyed the situation and Emma looking down like a little girl in trouble, "Kelly." she told her brother and pointed at Emma, "She's just been busy with school."

"We took the same courses in Niagara Daphne, I know friends here in the same course." he looked at Emma like he knew she was lying when she didn't even say anything, "Your class went hiking this week."

Emma sucked in a deep breath, "I know they were, you told me not to go."

"So where were you, you couldn't answer my calls?"

"I can't pick up the phone every second of the day, Kelly!" Emma protested.

"Ahem."

Emma turned to the person who pulled them apart from fighting, well more like Kelly, and she stared at Manny in disbelief.

"Manny." Emma blinked and stared some more as the brunette plastared the biggest smile she could muster, "Oh my god." she finally moved forward and hugged her.

"Miss you, Em." Manny pouted, hugging her best friend tight.

Daphne eyed the scene and looked at her brother who scowled.

"What are you doing here?" Kelly dully asked Manny.

Manny pulled apart from Emma, glaring, "I'm visiting my friend." from behind her, Spinner, Jane, Nate and Jay came up.

Emma blinked a few times, was it National Degrassi day?

"Did you know about this." Kelly asked Emma.

Jay stood there and glared at Kelly. Who the hell did he think he was not only talking to Emma like that but in general a girl?

Emma replied nervously, "No but.." I mean, what was the harm if she did? It was Manny. Kelly always wanted Manny out of the picture for some reason, Emma moved far, far away from home..wasn't that enough?

"And whose this?" Kelly eyed Jay and Spinner bitterly

"Woah dude, it's a party." Spinner told him, "enjoy it!" Jane was in his arms and nodded.

Kelly ignored them and turned to his sister, "Daphne. What'd I say letting people into your parties who don't even go to your school?"

Behind him, Jay leaned a bit closer to Emma, "He makes you happy huh?"

"Who are you?" Kelly said, turning around when he heard that then stepped back seeing how mad this guy looked that he had the nerve to give attitude

Kelly immediately regretted it.

"Jay Hogart." snapped Jay in not a nice manner, "Why?"

Emma shut her eyes slowly, this was not what she planned on tonight being like. Kelly was home from another long trip with his Father in New York to go over the family buisness, he was moody than usual.

"No reason.." Kelly lied, turning from Jay before he took a hold of Emma's arm, "Lets go."

If Manny didn't step forward, Jay was sure he would of and he would of let Kelly know what it felt like to feel not in control. Emma could go wherever she pleased.

"Em." Manny stepped forward, "Don't you want to hangout?" she asked hopefully.

She was finally hear, and it's been months since face to face. Emma sadly looked at her and anyone who saw her could tell she wanted to stay but when she looked at Kelly and he tightened his grip on her arm, she shook her head.

"I'm tired." she lied.

Jay wanted to laugh, funny coming from a girl who just came to a party.

She stepped in front of Kelly as he let her arm go, "Text me." Emma said over her shoulder and walked off.

Before Kelly followed, Jay couldn't stop himself, his hand just dashed out and grabbed Kelly's upper arm so hard Kelly had to clench his jaw and grit his teeth from showing just how much it hurt.

"Don't put your hands on her like that again." Jay warned deathly.

Kelly looked at him, wondering who the hell this guy was and then Jay let go of his arm. Kelly almost fell back but moved forward, running after Emma.

Manny eyed that scene and then watched Jay try to recover himself.

Spinner and Jane told Nate to show them where the booze was, "Let's have some shots!" they cheered, clearly not seeing how serious this was.

Manny crossed her arms as Jay turned back to them, but the others left.

"If I say so myself," Manny said to him, "Looks a lot like you care about Emma."

Jay looked down at her annoyed to then try to hide the obvious look on his face to sigh. He nodded and looked where Emma left.

Manny smirked a bit, finally a love interest of Emma's that she finally liked. I mean Sean was great, but they were more soulmates like friend wise.. and well, he was gone now.. she really felt a strong trust toward Jay, like he really did care about Emma and he was hanging on in hopes their Emma would come back.

Kelly slammed his door of his apartment closed, and Emma jumped, taking off her jacket.

"Those little friends of yours are immature." he hissed.

Emma rolled her eyes, "You don't know them well then" she insisted.

Kelly went through nothing dramatic or traumatizing like they all had. Manny had gone through an abortion, Jay through a friends death and being a somewhat cause to a school shooting.. even Spinner had gone through pain and a rich spoiled brat like Kelly didn't understand that.

Emma was amazed at herself, she finally had the courage to call Kelly a brat.

"I know that you won't be seeing them again." Kelly easily said, pouring himself a glass of wine.

"That'll never happen." Emma said after softly laughing at herself, and turned to him. He looked shocked.

"Excuse me?" he then became angry and walked over to infrnt of her.

"You don't scare me, Kelly." snickered Emma, maybe this his words, but Emma was finding that light in her again and she was even greater at words, and speeches, and protesting.

Kelly glared down at her, "Well something has been since you've never stood up to me before." he snickered at her, like she was weak.

Emma raised an eyebrow and looked up at the cieling. What had she done to herself?! Look at the guy she was about to give her life up for!

"Your right, it was being scared of myself." she told him honestly, ripping that ring off her finger, "But I'm Emma, I'm not weak and I'm not stupid, and I don't let little losers like you run my life."

"Emma!" he exclaimed when she threw the ring at him and went to the door.

"Don't bother calling or texting." Emma said over her shoulder and taunted, "I'll be blocking your number." she slammed the door behind her.

When she got out of the building it was raining, but she was happy despite the ugly weather, and it's been awhile since she enjoyed something like that. She brought her hand out and felt the rain drops.

She smiled softly and walked through it as it thundered.

_I wish I knew then  
What I know now  
Wouldn't dive in  
Wouldn't bow down  
Gravity hurts  
You made it so sweet  
'Til I woke up on  
On the concrete_

_[Chorus]__  
Falling from cloud nine (it was out of the blue)  
I'm crashing from the high  
I'm letting go tonight (yeah, I'm letting you go)  
I'm falling from cloud nine_

_(Katy perry-wide awake)_


	10. Jay And Emma

Jay sat on the couch, it was raining and thundering outside, he could hear it from his window and he shut his eyes, rain always reminded him of Emma.

And more specifically, the night he spent with Emma when it was raining...just after Sean's funeral.

The memory flooded to his mind..

_Emma bit her lip and closed her eyes, the sound of rain around them, of Jay's hot breath ran against her neck. She cried out when he went a little quicker and he brought his talented fingers between them to her heatness, rubbing it softly as he pumped, reaching his climax and so was she, the rain falling harder the faster they were coming._

Jay opened his eyes hearing his door knocked and over to it.

Emma turned as there door opened, expecting to see Manny, but saw Jay. She kinda of doubled back and eyed him, and behind, "Is Manny here?"

Is this where he lived?

Jay's smirked leaning on the frame of the door, "Did you sneak out from your boyfriend?" he acted so shocked and Emma rolled her eyes.

It'd give him too much satisfaction if she said she dumped him, so she lied, "He let me come." she simply shrugged.

Jay rolled his eyes, opening the door more for her to come in. He couldn't help but check her out after that memory he just had...okay, so it wasn't just the memory, he usually checked her out a lot.

Emma looked over the apartment as she bit her lower lip, Manny told her to meet her here... her and Jay didn't... they weren't hooking up? He wasn't..

"EM!" Manny said excitingly, coming out of the bathroom in just a towel.

Jay shut the door as Emma kind of stared at her, her mouth hanging and trying to act okay with this. Something in her that she fought back though, was dying to come out.

"Are you.." she turned to Jay, pointing between the two.

Jay gave her a blank look, not knowing what she meant, then a confused one as he got the hint. Did the girl not see he was crazy about her?!

"Oh ew!" exclaimed Manny with a giggle, shaking her head no.

Emma Oh'd and slowly nodded as Manny pointed to the guest room, "Me and Jane sleep in here but she's out with Spinner for night, come on." she went into the room first.

Emma looked back at Jay before she followed as he slowly taunted, "You jealous there for a minute Greenpeace?"

"Not at all." Emma taunted back, shutting the door and then leaned on it, letting the breath she held in and felt that Emma Nelson smile creep onto her face as she bit her finger, blushing.

Manny smirked from on the bed as she watched her best friend gush over Jay, and it was obvious.

Manny got dressed and Emma had told her everything with Kelly, in a whisper ofcourse so Jay didn't hear, and then Manny insisted they needed to go out for drinks, to celebrate!

"Ding dong, the witch is dead!" joked Manny, walking out of her bedroom

Emma followed her and they passed the TV room where Jay went through channels on his TV, sitting on the couch and narrowed his eyes wondering what that was all about.

"Jay, wanna come out for drinks?" Manny asked him.

Jay looked at her and to Emma, and back at her, "Depends where. I'm not going to any club."

"Tons of victims at the clubs." EMma insisted like he would like that, he gave her a 'not funny' kind of look.

Manny shrugged, "Just the bar down the street."

"Oh, Jacks." Jay said with a nod, he knew it, "Let me call Nate."

"Happily." Manny noted, smirking to Emma to hint to her she liked this Nate fellow.

The four sat at the table and Emma tried hard ignoring the fact it felt like a date. Jay didn't want to date, he was never the dating guy, why did she keep thinking these crazy things? Why couldn't she just GET over HIM.

"How can I help you guys?" the bartender came over to their table.

Nate put up four fingers and ordered for them, "four vodka shots please." he smiled to Manny with a wink, "On me."

"How nice." Manny said sarcastically and playfully, as if the cost would hurt his wallet.

"And a tequlia shot." Emma insisted, and looked away from Jay's impressed but questionable face.

"Goin hard tonight Em?" he teased.

Manny leaned over to Nate as the two were talking and whispered, "How much do you know about these two?"

"To the point I know this guy is more than just into her. Never shuts up." Nate joked, rolling his eyes.

Manny smirked happily, just what she though.

"Here's your shots." the bartender came up then laid the other shot infront of Emma, "And you're tequlia."

Jay watched in entertainment as Emma took in, cringed, and took the lemon. He chuckled shaking his head.

"Let's play some pool!" cheered Nate, getting up and holding his hand out to Manny.

Manny rolled her eyes but blushed and laughed, taking it.

"I guess it's only fair one of us.." Drifts Nate, pointing between him and Jay, "Pair with one of you."

"How about just girls versus boys?" taunted Emma, not threatened by him.

Nate raised an eyebrow, "Your loss." he laughed, "Literally."

Manny snickered, clearly this guy had no idea she could play, and Emma too.

"Jesus Christ." Nate started to complain about an hour after, as Emma leaned back after shooting the ball she aimed for, in.

Nate was doing worse than both the girls, and Jay was trying to catch them up, but Manny and Emma were actually pretty damn good.

"What was that again?" Manny taunted Nate as he passed her and she leaned on the table, "Us girls needing one of you to win?"

"Alright, alright." Nate said and looked to Emma, "You warned me, I'm sorry."

Jay smirked, taking his shot and getting it in. Classic Emma, being able to manage on her own and speaking up about it gladly.

Emma watched Jay, and he was better than her but she was getting some lucky shots. Must of just been a good shot.

But Manny happily took the last 8 ball in first, and yelped, putting her arms up in victory.

"You can buy me a beer now." Manny informed Nate who nodded and smiled, leading her over.

Emma giggled and sat on the pool table as Jay went over to her and stopped infront, grabbed the blue chalk for his pool stick.

Emma held her stick between her legs and held it, looking up at him. He couldn't help but glance at her fingers and saw the ring from Kelly gone. Only in his wildest dreams would he believe it was gone cause it was over, but that was jsut crazy talk.

He looked back down to his stick and asked, "Where's your rock?"

Emma bit her lip, not ready to tell him, "At home." she lied and smirked playfully, "To heavy to carry around." she giggled a bit when he gave her a 'yeah right' look.

"I know if I was him, I'd want you wearing it." admitted Jay, moving around her and setting up another game of pool.

Emma gave a wierd look and then turned around, watching him put all the balls in a triangle again, "how come? Thought you didn't like him." .

She watched him lean by the table, pointing his stick, and shot the triangle hard, a few balls going in.

He looked at her and walked by her, "Not saying I do" he informed her and took another shot.

Emma raised an eyebrow, impressed, he was getting all these in. Did he LET them win?! She watched him talk another and get that in too.

Jay finally looked at her again and went on, "just saying if you were mine, I'd want people to know, and that ring would do it."

He got two balls in a row into the net. Emma's mouth dropped, from what he said and that. Her heart began to pound, oh and he SO let them win.

That little-

"As if you'd be ready for that kind of commitment though." she taunted but shifted uncomfortably a bit..wishing he would be.

Jay's lip twitched, trying not to smirk as he grabbed his beer from a near table, "Who said I wasn't? With the right girl." he corrected himself at the end.

Emma looked down at her hands, thinking of Jay with another girl...and she didn't like it. They were interrupted by a bunch of college kids coming in, and soon enough the place was packed.

"Hey honey, how bout you play some pool with me?" smirked a frat boy.

Emma cringed in disgust as Jay shot his pool stick hard into the guys chest and growled, "Go play." he said.

The frat guy winced and grabbed the pool stick, leaving.

Jay went to get some more beer, and he watched the table Emma sat at intensily , she was sitting alone and guys kept going up to her. She was just trying to save a damn spot can any guys just let her breath for one second!? Let HIM breath and stop worrying!?

Jesus he was possessive over a girl who was ENGAGED.

Jay took a shot that was put out for him while he waited, just then Nate leaned by him, "You'll never guess what Manny blurted out to me."

"Amaze me." Jay said, rolling his eyes and glanced once more Emma's way until nodding at the bartender who came over with their beers.

"Emma dumped Kelly's ass." Nate told him.

Jay looked at him in shock and then down as he looked confused..but she said. . . he smirked, he'd be his cocky little self and declare justice of Emma playing with him, which had to mean she liked him, but right now he was too busy being too happy over the fact she was single again, and he was wanting to do the Harlem Shake that she finally got rid of Kelly.

"Jay." said the one and only, coming over, but with Manny this time who stumbled a bit and giggled, "Can you drive us home?" she begged.

Nate frowned, but sadly waved to them goodbye as Jay nodded, still speechless though.

As they got Manny into the back seat, the girl passed out and before Jay and Emma went into the car, he leaned on the passanger door not letting her in.

Emma gave him a 'what?' look and he smirked. She was getting impatient and nervous until she snapped, "What?"

"Wierd Kelly hasn't been phoning you like mad." Jay said.

Emma licked her lips and shrugged, "He trusts me, we had a huge talk."

Jay didn't get it, why wouldn't she just tell him she broke it off?

"Did this huge talk end with you dumping him, and giving back your ring?" Jay taunted, leaning off the car and looking down at her.

Her mouth dropped, and she scowled, Manny.

"Did this 'talk' make you realize you are better that you deserve more and better than him?" Jay's voice was so deep, and serious, so manly.

Emma swallowed nervously and she shrugged, "Wasn't meant to be."

"Though he made you happpy?"

"Stop throwing things into my face!" Emma yelled at him, sick of it and went to walk away but he grabbed her and pushed her up against the car.

Emma gasped and stared up at him so shockingly but a bit, pleased by his behavior as he stared passionately down at her and soon enough cupped her face.

She tried not to melt, but her body just softened up to him, sept for her heart, that pounded hard. He leaned down and pressed his lips down to hers and she whimpered, until kissing back and she deeply sucked back on his lower lip until he pushed his tounge against hers and let his hands roam to her hips, gripping them tightly and pulling her against him

He can do commitment with the right girl, that's what he said, but for some reason from all the misunderstanding he and her had in the past, she wasn't convinced he felt that girl was her.

She split apart, breathing hard and shook her head no as he caught his breath, "This is wrong, you're bad, for me." she regretted the words, seeing the hurt cross his face.

"Emma, I'm not like that anymore." he understood he may of been distant, but back then..so was she. Where was their relationship going to go when they were so scarred and damaged back then?

They wouldn't of had this great chance that had come to them like destiny, when they were finally in a good place in their lives.

"How am I suppose to trust that?" Emma sadly asked, looking hopeful he could actually answer but he saddened, just wishing she would.

He thought they had the silent bond.

"Why should I believe you?" Emma repeated, wanting a reason and not just that gut feeling of hers telling her it was Jay, and she just could.

She wanted it in words, to explain to her what the hell she and Jay were and why they could never seem to stay away from another.

Jay finally spoke, "Emma, I care about you." he sternly said, "You _know _I do."

Emma bit her lip from crying and tried to focus on being that strong Emma, the one he 'cared' for.

"That's not good enough." she said, she needed more. Needed him to care just a little more and give her a bit more, "Am I suppose to go on waiting on you forever because you say you _care _about me?" Emma didn't mean to sound so bitter, but she just fell so hard for him.

Jay stayed silent and went to open his mouth but she snapped at him, "Exactly." with that, she went into the bar.

It was loud and some college students were playing ' I love rock and roll' by Joan Jett.

"Tequila again please." Emma begged the bartender. She sniffed and ran a hand through her hair, she couldn't believe she had finally told Jay what she felt all along.

She looked back at the door, and he didn't follow her back in.

She nodded and turned back to her drink, taking the shot when it was laid down.

See? It was true.. he wasn't ready for commitment, wasn't ready for that 'right girl' nor ready to admit there was something so much more between them this whole time.

Fine! Through with him! Emma got up. There were tons of college guys here!

Emma squished through some people and then huffed... what was she doing? This is how she met Kelly. This is not what she wanted to do anymore.

She turned and looked up to gasp when Jay stood there and he grabbed her arm, pulling her closer to him and lifted her chin, "I love you." he shouted over the music and tilted his head down a bit at her, "I love you, alright?"

Emma stared up at him in more shock and he leaned down, crashing his lips tightly on hers and rested his hand on the back of her neck. She happily kissed back and her heart pounded.

There.

There it finally was, said out loud and in the open, and he couldn't take it back! And he wasn't planning on it.. he smiled down at her stunned look and carressed her hair.

"What now?" Emma asked, looking doe eyed.

"Now we do whatever we want." Jay told her, kissing her forehead, "life's short, remember?"

She smirked back at him and nodded. They didn't need labels..they were Emma and Jay, and they were in love.

He kissed her deeply once more and laced his fingers into hers, "Let's go get your drunk friend home and out of my back seat before she pukes in my baby."

Emma laughed and nodded and Jay led his girl out. Yeah. His girl.

_(hot-avril)_

_Kiss me gently  
Always I know  
Hold me, love me  
Don't ever go  
Ooh, yeah yeah_

_You make me so hot  
Make me wanna drop  
It's so ridiculous  
I can barely stop  
I can hardly breathe  
You make me wanna scream  
You're so fabulous  
You're so good to me baby, baby  
You're so good to me baby, baby_


	11. JT And Sean

"Did you see that coming?" JT asked, sitting next to Sean on a white couch in a white room, both wearing white.

Guess you could say..heaven was very white.

"Helen Keller saw that coming." Sean taunted JT back, glancing at the tv screen they watched of Emma and Jay kissing when they got back to his place from the bar.

"Oooouu, gettin' rated R." Jt giggled, watching Jay take Emma's top off.

Sean quickly grabbed the clicker and shut it off and gave Jt a look, "Why'd I get stuck here with you?"

"You love me." JT informed, getting up whe Sean did and taunted, "I'm shocked you were even let in here."

"God works in mysterious ways." joked Sean, leading Jt back to their stairway of heaven. He smirked as he glanced back at the screen Emma and Jay were on.

He was glad they finally found the love they had for another for years, it was going to kill him if they didn't. Well.. guess he can't use that phrase anymore.

Sean smiled shaking his head.

_**drink up baby doll  
Are you in or are you out?  
Leave your things behind  
'Cause it's all going off without you  
Excuse me too busy you're writing your tragedy  
These mishaps  
You bubble-wrap  
When you've no idea what you're like**_

_**[Chorus:]**__**  
So, let go, let go  
Jump in  
Oh well, what you waiting for?  
It's all right  
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown  
So, let go, let go  
Just get in  
Oh, it's so amazing here  
It's all right  
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown**_

It gains the more it gives  
And then it rises with the fall  
So hand me that remote  
Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?  
Such boundless pleasure  
We've no time for later  
Now you can't await  
your own arrival  
you've twenty seconds to comply

_**[Chorus:]**__**  
So, let go, so let go  
Jump in  
Oh well, what you waiting for?  
It's alright  
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown  
So, let go, yeah let go  
Just get in  
Oh, it's so amazing here  
It's all right  
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown**_


End file.
